Episode #24: Surviving Childhood Trauma, Dominating Life, And Being A National Figure Competitor With Jewels, Author Of “The Making Of A Woman”

INTRODUCTION: Jewels is a woman who has lived two lives in one lifetime. The first part was a life of childhood abuse and trauma which grew into the full-blown disease of alcoholism. Her life was out of control and she was circling the drain. The second part is life today and how she urgently worked through her past and now has a wonderful life as a result. But her story is not your average girl gets sober story. She didn’t just get sober. She created a life of truth and authenticity. Jewels’ story is about removing the expectations and the dogma of society and instead being guided by love and empathy. Some may call her life risky, unethical, and totally against the norm. But she sees it otherwise. Jewels is in a very loving open-minded marriage, she’s sexually liberated because of her childhood trauma, and she’s a NPC (National Physique Committee) Champion!!! INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to): ·      A Deep Look Into Jewel’s Book: The Making of a Woman ·      Alternative Lifestyles, Domination, Submission ·      Jewel’s Story of 3 Years of Abuse From Her Babysitter ·      The Importance of Transparency ·      How Jewels Became a Professional Bodybuilder ·      Body Image Issues ·      The Mysteries of Massage Therapy ·      The Power of Negative Words ·      Overcoming Negative Words ·      Emotional Co-dependence ·      Source Defined ·      The Importance of Finding Something to Believe In   CONNECT WITH JEWELS:   Website: https://themakingofawoman.com The Making of a Woman: https://amzn.to/30k5Oxz Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jewelsthemakingofawoman/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jewelsthemakingofawoman/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/makingofjewels/ YouTube: https://bit.ly/3n99Otv   DE’VANNON’S RECOMMENDATIONS: ·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX) o  https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370 o  TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs   SDJ MEMBERSHIP (FULL EPISODES): ·      $2.99 per month. ·      Donate any amount for 30 days of access. ·      $25 per year. https://www.sexdrugsandjesus.com/membership-account/membership-levels/   TRANSCRIPT: [00:00:00] You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to. And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right. At the end of the day, my name is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world. As we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your. There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode. De’Vannon: Jewels! Jewels! Thank you so much for coming on the sex drugs and Jesus podcast today. What we’re going to be talking a lot about sex and a few other things. How are you feeling today? Jewels: I am doing really well. Thank you, Dee, for letting you know, setting this up and making this happen. This is going to be a lot of fun. I’ve been looking forward to it. De’Vannon: You I’ve been looking [00:01:00] forward to it. To talking to you, you are a very, very fucking strong lady. Oh, and on, on this show, you could use your Cho. You could use your chosen vernacular whatever it means. I tend to cost a lot. You don’t have to You know, this is all, all the shows are rated E you know, explicit and not eat for everyone. So feel free to just be yourself. And we’re going to be talking a lot about a book that you’ve written called the making of a woman. Read through it. You know, this is your life story and it you’ve given the world and great gifts, which has transparency, why I do what I do, my podcast and everything is about transparency. You know, when we go through tough times, I think the wrong thing to do is to try to sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened. I think [00:02:00] the right thing to do is to at least tell somebody else so that they can benefit from it. And on the grand scale, like what you’ve done is to document it in such a way that, that your, your wisdom will outlive you. And so you will be able to, it will cause that was in book form and E form, everything like that. And so as long as there is a world, you know, someone will be able to, to access this. And so tell me. Gosh, your inspiration for wanting to compile your experiences. Jewels: You know, it’s seeds that have been planted along the way. I think it was back. Even in college, I had a girlfriend who would hear bits and pieces of my story, and she would be like, jewels. You got to write a book. And I would just think to myself, I’m not writing a book. It’s just my life. It’s Mormon. Little did I know that it wasn’t normal [00:03:00] for other people. And so throughout the years, I’ve connected with various people who gave me the same message, like girl, you need to, and I don’t know if you know, just everything lined up. But I started putting together the timeline, which was very challenging because I had a lot of blackouts. I don’t, I didn’t have an, you know, a full, a full map of, of my life. And then I started working with Marlena January of this year, in fact, and together every week we would meet and we would start chapter by chapter putting this thing two into a book, and it’s almost like it’s a life of its own. It’s really exciting. De’Vannon: I can feel you I’ve been working on my memoir shit. It feels like maybe like a good year and a half or two at this point. Can I start the same way with a timeline? And a friend of mine, who’s an author. Who’s written crazy amount of books was telling me [00:04:00] she was like, memoirs, take forever to write. You would think it’s easier to write about yourself, but it’s not as much just make some shit up. But when you actually spell them, the true cause you gotta be accurate and make sure of the dates and everything. And so Jewels: other people are involved. Yeah. De’Vannon: All right. So you were very, very interesting woman. I don’t meet, you know, you know, a lot of women who are. You know, able and willing to talk about a lot of the deep stuff that they’ve been through. And then there’s also this other very athletic side of you too, with the weightlifting and the NPC was championship ships, which I think that stands for national physique conference or something like that. And and just female athleticism in and of itself is something that is, I still think out of the norm, you know, women are still fighting for [00:05:00] equivalent pay, you know, with pro athletes, pro athleticism and stuff like that. And and just, just tell me a little bit about that. We’re going to get into the, the juiciness of the book and the, and the, which that’s included in the book too, but you know, the, the trauma and the drama and all the, all the sexy stuff, but I just think it’s so intriguing. You know, that you are in you to compete like this. So, Jewels: yeah, and it was nothing I ever, I ever dreamt of doing it. It wasn’t like, I want to be, you know, I want to be a bodybuilder when I grow up, it was not on the wishlist. But it was part of the healing process, which was super cool. And it’s like, I have two phases of life. I have the first phase, which is life before recovery. And then there’s like the second phase, which is. W almost unbelievable at times the, the areas I get to go into and things I get to experience. And so at the time I got sober when I was 35. And [00:06:00]you know, of course you got physically sober, then you get, you know, emotionally sober, mentally silver, there’s these phases you go through, it’s kind of like this onion is peeling back. And one of the things, me being a whole body person is that the physical aspect of me also needed that kind of healing. Right. So it needed to be nourished. It needs, you know, all of those things. And so I started working out with a trainer when I turned 40. I, I think I’m just like any other woman at this stage is like, you know, it’s okay. But I want something different. I meet a lot of women who are in this phase of life. And so I took this really big plunge. And I went to a, a bodybuilding gym and I made an appointment to get my first. Kind of an assessment with another, or with a bodybuilder, a female bodybuilder. And I had such body image issues. It was terrible. And she wanted me to come in in a two-piece bikini D I didn’t even, [00:07:00] I didn’t even wear bikinis, let alone own of exchange. So here I am in my fullback underwear and a sports bra and the pictures the before and after pictures, I still have them today. I think there’s like a tint of green to me. I am beyond nauseated. I am so scared to do this, so, but I wanted that change desperately bad. So I, she wrote me up a meal plan. I’m not kidding. When I say I did not get off the meal plan for over a year, no cheat meals. I drink that gallon of water every day. I mean, I was on it like laser-focus and what happened. Is that I started to realize that my body would actually change. Like my upper body really started to take form and I was. Well, this is quite unbelievable. And so of course I wanted more and I wanted more. It felt good. And so then, you know, fast-forward, I thought, well, what the heck? Someone said, you know, you want to do a show? And I was like, oh my God, am I [00:08:00] even qualified to do a show? And, and and I did, and I took third out of three people. It was one of those kinds of shows or most people would have been like, okay, now Juul is just take your little trophy and go back home. But and then I started working with the trainer that really showed me how to sculpt my body changed my physique. And it was last year around, I think it December in fact, I had done a show and I didn’t do real well. And and one of the judges had called and said, you know what? Let’s put her in this show. That’s the last one of the year. And I knocked it out of the park. I took a first, I took a second and I took it. Third overall. I mean, it was just unbelievable. And first in my class, which qualified me for nationals, which happened this year in Pittsburgh. I mean, I am beyond, I’m not kidding you. When I say I just wanted to get the cellulite off my legs. I had no intention [00:09:00] of doing any of this. And I think that’s the beauty of it is that I wasn’t in my own way. I couldn’t talk myself out of it. Cause I didn’t even know I was going there. And I’m grateful to say that out of at a national level of competitors from Canada, the us and Mexico I taught, I was in the top three. I took home a third place, trophy and nationals my first time, which is unbelievable. I was gaming first, you know, eight to 10th place. So once again, I didn’t even know that’s where I was going, but now I’m hooked now. I love it. I influenced so many people just in general conversation. I mean, it’s, it’s an unbelievable experience. De’Vannon: I can tell about how you’re glittering like a star system. Jewels: I used to wear Spanx, you know, are you familiar with what those are? Oh yeah. Okay. So I’m from Texas, which means I’m already at the 90 to 100 degrees, no matter what, [00:10:00] right. I would wear Spanx underneath blue jeans because I was mortified about the way my thighs looked. It was this hatred I had with him. So to get to this side of that same spectrum is, is it’s miraculous because it was completely opposite of what it used to be. De’Vannon: Okay. So what would you say to, to people who have body image issues, as it says, you’re saying like you used to hate, you know, a portion of your body and everything like that, and that’s not healthy. So you found a better way. So what, what would your suggestion be? Jewels: See, this has happened. This was part of my process of getting sober. So first off, what it had to do is if I, if I have hate in me, that’s what I’m going to exude, right? I’m gonna exude that hate and it’s going to come back at me. It’s this suspicious cycle. So what I did is I really just, I wasn’t [00:11:00] comfortable with the whole justice except your body, the way it is. That was just not that wasn’t going to work for me. So what I did is I, I would look at other ones. Bodybuilders or women with amazing thighs or, and I would keep, I would do a screenshot and I was actually put it in my photos of my phone. And I would make that like, I want to get like that. That’s, that’s my goal. I want to do this. Right. So now I have this visual, I’m a big meditator. I’m always turning inward and figuring out like, what’s in my way. Am I in my way? You know? And then I physically did things. Of course, I went to the gym, I burned out a lot of stress in there, but I will do things for myself. Like I get a massage every Tuesday. It’s more for mechanics at this stage, but there is something amazing that takes place. When we start moving around that energy within our body and, you know, anger and rage is energy. So for me, it was a whole body [00:12:00] transformation, but you’d be surprised at that when you put your, your, your, you put your scope on you, you know, you’re within the, you got your eyes on something. If you verbalize that, it’s almost like the universe hears you and you start seeing things like an amazing picture, for instance, that went into my phone or, you know, this particular woman who I really admired. And I wanted to ask questions. I mean, it’s almost like source opens it up and be like, okay, here’s some things you can try. So I don’t know if that actually answered the question, but that’s that’s how I did it. Very creative. De’Vannon: It does so, so, so y’all would, what Jules is saying is if you have a problem with the way you look or really anything about you, rather than internalizing that anger and ultimately poisoning yourself in the process, find a way. To turn it positive in her case, she, she did a visualization. Some [00:13:00] people may do like a physical vision board, which is something that I do. But basically what she’s saying is a very a very new age, a way of, okay, if you don’t like whatever it is, you don’t like find that image of how you would like it to be. And then focus on that and use that to rewire your attitude and your brain and your focus. And then you will find the doors opening for you to achieve your goal. So don’t internalize the negative, make it a challenge of sorts and then visualize your way up out of it Jewels: and just get to the gym period. It’s healthy. It’s healthy. Just to go on the treadmill, baby steps. De’Vannon: It is because I work with a dietician at the department of veterans affairs and they say, you know, just three days a week of 45 minutes of elevated heart rate, some sort of activity, of course, with eating good too is enough. So you don’t have to do five days a week, you know, hours, 10 hours each day at the gym in order [00:14:00] to, to lose weight or to get in better shape. It can just be me. And, and what you said is true massage does, I’m a licensed massage therapist to Jewels: learn your language. And De’Vannon: it is a, it is an energetic practice. You are speaking my language cause I did a lot of Shakur balancing and all kinds of energy work and stuff like that too, because a lot of our emotional and mental and spiritual problems manifest physically. Jewels: So yeah, De’Vannon: that within school, the instructor, like, I don’t know if she had been doing it, like, I don’t know, 30 years or something like that. One of the old instructors she took. And she was also like an impasse and very sensitive to and she was this feeling around for knots, like in the like collar bony area. That’s not sign sign and tumbly speaking collarbone, but it’s just me and the color bony Jewels: area. Well, you know what you’re talking about? De’Vannon: I just had to put the disclaimer [00:15:00] out there because I am like trying to do stuff and I’m here. I am saying the collar bony area and she found the not. And impressed it. And the girl broke out crying, not because the not hurt, but because there was any emotional blockage in that knot, it was so intense that the instructor and I felt some type of way about this shit at the time. I’m more mature now, but the instructor made the rest of us leave the room. It wasn’t break time. We had to get out because of the, what the emotional release she had. She needed to talk to this woman and see and deal with her. What was going on. It wasn’t none of our business that, so we had go, I’m not one. I don’t like to be thrown out of places. Jewels: It wasn’t your fault. This time. De’Vannon: I’m not drunk and hugging the toilet at the club and that’s not so, [00:16:00] but, but, but the stuff, but it does work in, and there’s like a lot of health benefits for massages beyond the physical. Oh, yeah. And so well congratulations on your championships and on your accomplishments and everything like that. And I hope many more fabulous, positive doors open for you and unexpectedly. So Jewels: thank De’Vannon: you. So, so your book covers a lot of childhood trauma there’s issues with the parents, a dating life and everything like that. Saw a lot of moving around and stuff like that. As you say, you were running away and things like that. Who do you feel like your target audience? Jewels: You know, originally when we sat, we sat down and wrote this book. I really wanted to just reach the girl in the back of the room. So many times in my life, I have been that girl, I have felt inferior. I [00:17:00] have felt not a part of and sometimes just unwelcomed. So initially it was that it was that girl who was dealing with all of that stuff inside, but could not let the world see it. And now what I’ve noticed is, and the feedback I’ve gotten, I mean, the, the, the book launches tomorrow, it’s not even out yet. And the feedback I’m getting back is from like, from other like for a mother, for instance. Yeah. Thank you. Cause now I know when my daughter does a, B and C it’s because of this, you know, I’ve, I’ve had men come in and give the feedback and be like, this makes sense. Why my wife, you know, fill in the blank when we go to a lifestyle event or, you know, so it’s starting, it’s ballooning into something much larger than I had ever expected. So at the point I have to say that I hope the book reaches any and everybody that it’s supposed to [00:18:00] reach. Cause it’s kind of already happening. De’Vannon: Fair. I liked that you started with a certain focus and then you have been open to the way it has grown because you know, you being, it seems like you identify as a woman. And so you know, allow as, let everybody tell me who, how they identify their pronouns and everything, you know, I try not to use even sir or ma’am anymore. I just, you know, I just come up with other things. So when I say you identify as woman, that’s me speaking, my metaphysical new age talk. So, and so so, so naturally, you know, that it would be natural to feel like that’s, who would probably benefit the most, you know, you know, starting out. And so but you know, somebody is going to have a daughter, a sister. You know, and those guys are gonna come to you and be like, I don’t get this girl, you know, helped me, you [00:19:00] know, and everything like that. So any, so like you said, everybody can read this now. There was. The one-liners at the start of the book you were talking about some things, some negative things people may say to, to, to women or to, to people in general. A lot of these things get said to people coming from the LGBTQ background, like myself the low-income places I’m going to read some of them, the you and I. And then then I want to know if this is something that you, anyone has told you specifically before you you said you won’t get anywhere in life. You won’t finish school. You’re loser. You’re a whore. You’re an addict. You’re a dropout, you’re a slut capital S L U T. If anyone’s saying those things to you in Jewels: life, all of the above, All of the above the power of the word. I mean, those just to even hear you say [00:20:00] my words just makes it, it’s just pressure it’s. I mean, there’s some strong words there and they, they do impact probably more than we even realize. De’Vannon: Okay. So, so then what, I love even more about your story, you know, you know, a lot of people hear this, but then they never, then that tape plays in their head for the rest of their life. And then it never gets rewritten to like, when I was young, you know, my dad said I didn’t deserve stuff, you know, and things like that. Yeah. My dad said that you know, I didn’t deserve stuff, you know, in things like that, you know, [00:21:00] apart from the physical abuse, you know, I was being very verbal, you know, took a long time for me to be able to play positive tape in my head. And so what I, what I know will happen as people read through your book, you know, Just just, just having this listed out in words, it’s something very healing. When we see somebody else’s going through the similar thing that we’ve been through, even, even before you get to the good part and turning it around and stuff like that, just, you know, someone will feel less alone. And that, that in and of itself gives people the strength to keep it going into perhaps a live another day. Yeah, totally. Now you, you know, you define your story is not another girl gets sober, a story. I’ve read where you were saying, like, you really feel like you’ve made impactful change. So what’s the difference in you know, if it would have been just a girl get sober story versus what you’ve created? Jewels: You know, I, I [00:22:00] see a women in recovery who girl gets sober. They, you know, they. Clean up, they go through detox, all of the stages that we do, and then, you know, continue on with the nine to five and very successfully live a beautiful life. I didn’t fall into that. That trail will say like for some reason. Well, I know the reason source wanted something else because clearly I can’t stop until I get to where I supposed to be going here. But I just realized that there was something my purpose. I had a purpose much larger than just getting sober and. In, in a sense, it’s like I endured the first phase of life because I have now the experience, which means now I can make change. And so then again, once I sobered got over to this side and I, now [00:23:00] I know even with the words that you just read, I can connect to you because I have that experience. So I think because I have that ability to see this journey, this picture like this that’s my main, that’s my goal is I want to, and even if it, even if your story is completely different than mine, you know, I don’t know, maybe something, you know, totally off the charts compared to mine. But the thing that we do have in common, our feelings of despair, we both know what that feels like. We don’t jealousy feels like we know what fear feels like. We know it. Joy has all of those things. That’s the language of the heart. And so those are the things that I connect. I can connect with any human being if they’re open to it. According to that. So what I have seen is that I that’s how that’s, how I’ve connected with people. And so I have just found more than I ever experienced how many people are drawn to that. The [00:24:00] fact that I can speak at a very raw and vulnerable exposed level. I have courage. That’s one of the beautiful gifts that I have from my maker or from my higher powers that I have courage to not follow my ego that took a lot of years practicing that. But that means that I will sit here and have this conversation with you no matter what the outcome is, because all I have to do is be authentic. Right? And so that’s what I’m noticing is if I stay in that lane of authenticity and being completely true to myself, the people who supposed to follow. Fall away and the ones who are supposed to come in, come in. And this is how that journey continues. I mean, I’ve, I’ve been able to do miraculous things. I am a rescue scuba diver. I didn’t even know how to swim. When I met my husband, I have a day skipper certificate, which means I can [00:25:00] sail a 55 foot boat by myself. I have these experiences that I would have never even asked for I’m from the Midwest di I don’t need to be in any water, any water for us. It was the lake water. It was nothing. So that’s what I’m finding is as I, you know, keep moving forward, I’m drawing people in and we all need to come. You know, we all need to connect. It’s really quite amazing. De’Vannon: It is it is it is, it is. It is. And I, I can’t get over the, the star kissed a look in your eyes. Like you just have like never ending joy is overflowing and it’s enough to feel everyone else’s cups. And I say this, I say this on my show all the time, but it’s as one of my favorite songs, a collaboration that Dave caused did, and the name of the song to start all over and in the lyrics, or as long as you are breathing, you can [00:26:00] start all over again. And I just don’t feel like it can be overstated. You know, you you’re, you’re getting the feedback from people already who are in pain and no people are in pain before the book even comes out. And because a lot of people need to do a re set. And then the thing is, if you, if you can get, gather the strength to overcome whatever it is that has happened to you. Or that you’ve done or whatever that second shot at life tends to be better than the first go around, which is what you’re saying here. So it was bad. And now it’s like so much better. I was telling my friend, my friend is also the attorney who was helping me when I was you know, a drug dealer and homeless and everything. It had been nine years since we’d been able to sit down and really chat. And we were on zoom for four hours the other day. And she, I was telling her aside the fact that then I was [00:27:00] 127 pounds in near death. And now. Then now I wave, you know, maybe to keep weight on and everything like that. She, she was just like an all looking at me and I was telling her, I take care of stuff better than I did before. You know, my car stays clean. My home is clean. You know, I eat healthy. I don’t eat fast food anymore. You know, it’s like a whole new thing now. So I’m saying all that to just really reinforce what you were just saying, you know, we don’t, we didn’t just get sober. We, we took on a, it’s a whole new life. It’s a whole new idea and it’s a whole new person. And so and then, then YouTube, my audience is gonna be sitting there with this same twinkle in your eye that Joel hasn’t, Jewels: you know, and I think a lot of it in the beginning while the drinking, the drugging was so strong is because I was not in line with who. I was supposed to be right. I was, I was still dealing with the trauma. I was a ninth grade [00:28:00] dropout. I mean, I was struggling with everything outside of me. And so I think the ability to, like you say, hit that reset button. It, what it allowed me to do, we say in the rooms of recovery people, places and things have to change. Right. That is a really big demand. I mean, cause that’s everything in my wallet, my, in my world, but I wanted a different life. So when that happened, then when you move all that crap out of the way, right. And who else do you have? You and the, you know, and that, that, that energy, that universe, that, whatever it is, that’s all that’s left. And I think that’s when you really get to tap in and just really see, like, who am I, by the way, what do I want? Things like that. De’Vannon: Who am I? And what do I want? I heard that I heard that exact, or I heard that similar. I heard that, that, that point from a meditative circle. I can’t remember if it was Yasmin Bolin or [00:29:00] Louise hay. I think it was Yasmin Boleyn. Yes. And Boba has to do with monology and taking signs and cues from the moon and Louise hay was the creative hay house, immediate and the gifts given us a world of thought, I’ll put it Jewels: Deepak Chopra. De’Vannon: Okay. From Jewels: him. And it was there a three, cause it was one of the meditations. Who am I? What do I want? And what does that mean? De’Vannon: Okay. So it’s three separate ones. Jewels: There’s some really powerful. When’s the last time you asked yourself or buddy somebody asked you D what do you want? I don’t know. I’m just always working on what I don’t want. I don’t want to be poor. I don’t want to be homeless. Yeah. De’Vannon: Yeah. So, so what Joel was talking about now is minding what you focus on and reversing the polarity. And so it’s more of, it’s more of a positive vibration. It’ll get you further in life. If you focus on what I do want, you know if the neighbor’s given you grief, you [00:30:00] know, you know, I would love to have a good neighbor as opposed to, I don’t want a bad neighbor, or if you hate your job, you know, I would love to have a better job as opposed to, I hate this job is about thinking with a positive vibration versus versus negative. See, I knew I was gone like you girl. So I want to talk more in detail about some of the trauma, because the super cool you’re willing to be transparent about it. And I know other people haven’t been through similar things. Now you had a. I would say it’s a unique relationship with your dad and then the and I’ll let you give us the details that you want within the book. You’re talking about how you really didn’t get a chance to step into his world until after he was a dead. I, I read where you are. You’re looking through a reading, old newspapers, perhaps an old shoe [00:31:00] boxes and stuff like that. And and there was a quote in there that I wrote down in that same section about emotional co-dependence and you, and you said that when we cannot help ourselves, we quietly take, especially by over-giving. And so I want you to talk about your dad and what you meant by that quote. Jewels: Again, your quote that you want me to, to, to reference De’Vannon: and referenced the emotional codependent. You said when we cannot help ourselves, we quietly take, especially by over-giving. Jewels: So that’s kind of there’s multilevels to that, right? That’s a pretty deep comment, but really what it is, is like, if there’s a gift, right? If I’m giving a gift, you are receiving it. [00:32:00] Most people think, oh, you’re the one that should be happy. The gift giving is really for the giver I get to give I’m the one who gets the most joy out of this. There’s something when, as my father in the relationship unfolded and went through its Rocky terms and back and forth, you know, the, the, the, the freight phase of life that you’re speaking of, right there was, I learned. Not to expect things from this man. He was my dad. Yes. But I no longer had a relationship with him because of the strange 25 years or whatnot in between. And so I learned instead of visiting, going to expect something, some sort of connection, make me feel like your daughter. I want to feel like this is family. Okay. Well, that’s putting a lot on him. And so what I learned to find that peace and that desperation to, to read that is that I, I was told, just treat him like the old man. He is [00:33:00] just love them. Right. Where he’s at. You know, that’s, that’s all my part is I don’t, I don’t have to go in and fix anything. You know, he was an older man. He, you know, he lived in the Midwest as well. There was a lot of things. Technology could have made his life easier, all of those things, but that’s not. That’s not mine to give, I just supposed to treat him and love him where he’s at. De’Vannon: Interesting. Interesting. Can you talk about the experience that you, that you included about how your, I believe it was your mother, some, you know, cause somebody got pregnant by a fucking, I think it was the man exit door. There was some sort of business attached to the house. That was Jewels: my dad’s. De’Vannon: Okay. That was your dad’s mom. Okay. Yeah. That’s the connection there. Okay. And so then we have [00:34:00] so that’s how his emotional trauma was starting because, because his mom was in a position where she got pregnant and then she wasn’t able to get married. And that was a big, big, no-no even more so than it is now back then. And so, and then, so riding this, you know, he had a hard time because his parents had a hard time and therefore you had a hard Jewels: time. And remember this is back in the forties. I mean, it nothing like what it is. De’Vannon: And so, and so now we’re, so it sounds like what you’re talking about here is how trauma seems to pay itself forward into each generation unless it’s stopped. And so, or as they say hurt, people, hurt people. Or as they say in some of the spiritual circles, generational curses, if you will. What, what advice do you have to people who may not yet be able to connect the dots and see, okay. My parents gave me a [00:35:00] rough time. We had a, we had an abusive sort of relationship. I wonder what they went through to make them this way as well. What can I do to be sure my children don’t have the same shit too, right? Jewels: That’s a lot of turning inward. Everything you just described, right. There is very insightful stuff. And for me as. I became the age that my mom was when she had me, you know, when I started reflecting back now that I’m in those shoes again, this was now in the seventies. My mom had me in the early seventies there weren’t pamphlets, pamphlets laying around about, you know domestic violence or, you know, sexual abuse. I mean, this is a very prideful time and my mom wasn’t, you know, she wasn’t, she was not going to reach out for help, you know? So So yeah, it, it, it, it required me to have [00:36:00] empathy for her, which then ultimately, if you can have, if, when I found empathy for my mother, I was able to find empathy in a lot of other situations like, you know, mom and dad, those ties are tight. But when I saw that, you know, I also see my mom struggle with things that I struggled with. When you say that that generational curse, you know, sexual abuse is a learned behavior. That’s how this is passed on from time to time to person, to person, to generation, to generation. One of the most powerful things I get to do is I get to bury the seed. I get to bury it. I just don’t go. It’s not going any further than right here. There’s a lot of power in that, but ultimately I needed to know what, what was fucking everything up in order for me to figure it out, then able to have that kind of control. And that, I mean, that’s, maybe that’s a legacy right there. It’s like, it’s not going any further than. De’Vannon: I [00:37:00] know that’s right. Not today, Jewels: Satan, not today. De’Vannon: The people we’re going to talk about Bobby, the babysitter next. And you know, when I, when I read about Bob, the babysitter and how you talk, how we’re talking about what we were talking about with the same sort of trauma repeating itself in each generation. And we see how R Kelly was just, I believe convicted for like the sexual assault of the, of the minors, you know, people like you and I are going to, and thinking people like my beautiful audience are going to look at him and not judge him, you know, but look at him and think, you know, I wonder what happened to him, you know, to not that it justifies anything, but there’s always more to it than, okay. That person’s just the predator, you know, Jewels: how much more. And then another way also that it helps to be able to just accept things that are really. I can’t wrap my brain around like Prama or this, you know, any of these really big [00:38:00] things is I just repeat to myself that everybody has their own contract with their God. Everybody has their own context, their own contract. So no matter what I’m doing, and it may not look like it’s right or wrong or whatnot, it’s like, it doesn’t matter because this is between me and my God. Does that make sense? And that really released me from clinging on. To all of the BS that’s going on in our world, all the things that make me frustrated and that anger and all of that, it’s like that. And I think it’s kind of a, you know, a branch off of you, do you, and I’ll do me. It’s just a little bit more spiritual approach. De’Vannon: Yeah. You can tell that to your Texas Republicans so they can leave women the fuck alone. Jewels: I have to live in this state. That’s why I’m saying everybody has their own contract and they’re not like you will meet your maker De’Vannon: a little bit of Carmen in there too.[00:39:00] So Bobby, the babysitter, I mean that, that, that, that name y’all sounds old bouncy and everything, but we’re really talking about the best character here. So, so, so something happened your mom left you with Bobby to babysit you. And then his younger brother, David, when David went to sleep, what did Bobby do? Jewels: So this is even before my mom remarried into that family so that he was still babysitting us while the parents were going out on their date. And that was the very first incident. We we lived in a trailer that’s definitely par for course of the story. And we had a toy room. And if you can imagine it’s a very bare room, but there’s mirrors on those on the, on the closets, you know, it’s back that day. And and he had a magazine and it was, you know, I don’t know, Playboy or whatever it was, I don’t know, but he was flipping through [00:40:00] it and he says, this is what you’re going to look like when you grow up. And I’m kind of looking at this having absolutely no idea, no idea besides seeing my mom, what a woman looked like. And then he, you know, flipped and said, and that’s what you’re going to do when you grow up. And it was some, you know, some sort of sexual act and he goes, do you want to start growing up right now? Do you want to practice right now? And I think at that stage, I mean, I was seven. I want nothing more than you to like me. I really want you to like me. I think that’s what kids go through. And I think we can go through it as adults. And so I was very also very influential at that time. And so that was the beginning of probably about three years of daily ongoing abuse. Like that De’Vannon: three years is a long time. Jewels: It is, and it went to different places as [00:41:00] well. De’Vannon: And see, that’s a big deal because I learned. Well, like I’m a licensed hypnotherapist too. I learned a lot about the mind and the way it works. Cause that’s, the therapy is all about, we’re not talking about like making people clap like ducks on stage about actual, real mental health, the work we’re done in tandem with mental health, with like psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Like every little thing we see and come in contact with leaves that impression upon us, whether we know it or not. And or whether we’re willing to receive that fact or not. And so to say that that happened, you know, daily for three years, you know, I mean, it’s that sort of. You know, you have to be a really, really tough bitch to be able to, to overcome that and get to where we read, like later on in the book where you’re, you know, you come up out of that and you’re [00:42:00] able to be comfortable sexually. So, so tell, tell us about the complications. You feel like that sexual abuse calls you when, in your relationships, when you were trying to, you know, become a woman branch out for sexual experience things, how, how did it mess you up? Jewels: You made a great point of the impressions that it makes on the brain. Right? And if. Year after year after year, those three years, it was just, it became the way that it’s now a recording. It’s just how I act and how I act in, in certain situations with men. And what happened then is because of the abuse against all energy. I I’m, I’m completely doing things against my will. I think as a little person, I was not able to talk to anybody about this. I have this whole new life there, just this, a lot of buildup within in inside me. And so, you know, as I got older and into my [00:43:00]teens, I would rage because all of that energy had to come out and I was just a mess. I didn’t know how to deal with emotions. I didn’t know how to deal with, you know, someone giving me a hug or heaven forbid a man complimenting me because it was just, it was so like, no, I know this is completely opposite. And so what happened during the abuse. You acquire tools, we’ll call them tools. This association is, is, is one of them. And I see that as a that’s, that’s a gift because my body can not endure this. And so we are literally going to just step out of this for a little bit. Right? So that’s a blessing for me that I don’t have to remember everything, but it also teaches me that always to be wondering, what do they really want? So now my trust is really gone. It’s gone. And then it also teaches me how to maneuver people to manipulate. So I take these [00:44:00] things that have served me very well. Those years unknowingly bring them right into my adult life. And so I can’t connect with people. In fact, I can’t trust you. I don’t have, I don’t have that sort of intimacy. And so for the majority of my life, I was always detached from people. And I think that, you know, as, as you read in the book, you know, it’s like, I, I, when it came into the rooms of recovery, I mean, I had walls of armor. I, I didn’t trust anybody. In fact, I was always waiting for that shoe to drop, you know, because that’s what we got to do. I’m resilient. We got to keep going. And so that’s the first place I saw a man cry and I was astounded. I mean, the women in the rooms, they would give me that hug and say, Juul is, I’ll see you tomorrow. What, you know? So it’s like, I had to unlearn a lot of this, [00:45:00] but like I just, I mentioned a bit ago about that onion peeling back. I have been married to my husband now for, for seven years, we’ve been together. There has been, he, I mean, God totally gave me him because I needed a super strong man, because I didn’t trust, I didn’t trust. You were always gonna cheat on me. You’re always planning a way to move out and leave me, you know, high and dry. And so, I mean, we’ve, I’ve, I’ve had to vocalize this. I mean, it’s something that it is out on the table. We talk about these things. But it’s amazing how deep it was three years and I’m 49. Look at the ratio there. I mean, three years, the impact that has made on my entire life. It’s, it’s, it’s unbelievable actually, but it, it filters through pretty much every spot of your life of my life had. De’Vannon: Okay. And then [00:46:00] when did alcohol or what, what, what was all of your, like drugs of choice or alcohol? When did that come into the mix? And when did you become dependent on it? In a negative way? Jewels: I actually have a picture, like a regular paper picture of me in a high chair. And if you remember, the member of the trays would click on and this was the metal tray, that’s like the era we’re in and I have a baby bottle and my uncle is next to me with his old Milwaukee bottle. And I have beer in my bottle. So I’m not even. To an alcoholic already been introduced. Right. And this is back in the day where if a kid is crying, just put a little this on it’s gums and it’s, he’s going to be fine, but yet, you know, like calm his nerves with some, I dunno, Brandy or whatever that is this era D it’s not that long ago. And so this is just [00:47:00] part and also being in the Midwest. I mean, it’s Norwegian and German. You drink, we drink all the time up there. Right? I remember seeing my uncle had the can of beer in the council as we were driving it. It was just the norm. So I kept up with the norm. I smoked, I drank. And what happened then is I realized that if I drank enough, it became the band-aid. It became my solution. So alcohol was not the problem. It was the solution. Because now I don’t have to deal with any emotion, good or bad, because really let’s face it. I don’t know how to, and I can be whatever you want me to be. It was a solution until it stopped working for me. And that is when I started hitting my bottoms. I think there were about three of them and it was just like, then that despair, and it’s almost like the alcohol just starts taking the life out of you, opposed to the other way around. And yeah, that, [00:48:00] that brought me right up to age 35, where it was like, it’s got to happen now or it’s, it’s going to end up in a different. And a different outcome. De’Vannon: And when you say you had three bottoms, were you like admitted to a hospital? I described like what bottom your bottom is or was, Jewels: you know, I love it when people are like, so what was your bottom? It’s like that is a state of mind and there are many of them. So I did, I had like three bottoms. It seemed like, you know, I bounce real hardcore. Yes, one of those times I was, I was hospitalized. I tried to take my own life. Another time I was out in the depths of Texas in a really bad situation, my mom had to come out with a U hall, pick my ass up and drive me back to California. You know, when I’m drinking in the morning and taking Xanax in the afternoon, you know this in for me, it’s the emotional body. It’s when you have no more [00:49:00] hope. It’s when you’re like, why am I really here? This is more painful than enjoyable. And the thought of death is very appealing. It’s not a great place at all, but we call it the gift of desperation. De’Vannon: Well, I’m glad you were still with a fit database tool that you are. And so you you’ve mentioned the, the, the name a source several times during this interview, that name appears multiple times throughout your book. And this seems to be your spiritual higher power. Can you describe to me who source is and how you were able to draw strength from source throughout your life? Jewels: In the beginning, there was no source. [00:50:00] The parents, in fact, who are supposed to protect me were absent as well. So I had no belief in anything besides I got to fight my way through this and that. So I was totally on my own will. And so when I got into recovery and it’s probably at that nine month stage where we’re finally, I can sit down in the chair, the rages have settled down. The mood swings are at, you know, at Holton. And I remember, you know, hearing that I’ve got to find something bigger than me. If I intended to stay sober and I’d hear people joke about, oh, just the Darnell or it’s, you know, it just can’t be another person. Right. And I. Hated the idea of God. I was like, this is fucked up. It’s a bunch of followers. They all sit in their little church every Sunday and then pretend like everything’s perfect. I mean, that’s kind of like, that was a persona I had. And so the whole inspiration also I was in I’m in the Bible belt. I really don’t like the presence of this God thing. Right. There’s a lot of judgers[00:51:00] who go, you know, under that, under that umbrella. And so for me, it was, I was, I came out of one of these meetings and it was probably on the topic of source. And this is at the point in my life where I’m starting to be able to taste my food. I can start to smell things like my body is starting to recover. And I remember in this really soupy, thick heat, I came out and all of a sudden there’s like this, this wind, this little breeze. And it like wrapped around me and it just stopped me in my tracks. And I was like, oh, That, that source there, nobody can move the wind like that source. And I took that in. I held onto it. So anytime I’d be out, you know, I feel a little breeze, I would say thank you, source like thank you for the reminder. You know, I would put a marker on my hand, [00:52:00] HP, cause I worked in the hospitals, so we washed our hands all the time, but that was a constant reminder that there was something bigger than me. And then what happened is then I would start to feel the sun. Then I got sober enough to realize that I am connecting with another individual that the energy between even you and I right now, I don’t know who else makes that, you know, so I really started to dig in and look for this source any and everywhere. Cause they say, you know, God is everywhere. Right. And there’s some times where I’m like, I just don’t see God there. So I don’t think I have it figured out all the way, but I haven’t figured out. As much as I need to at this stage of where I’m at in the journey. And it’s also that amazing feeling. We were just talking about the bottoms and bottoms are cold and they’re dark. And they’re lonely isolation. When I think about source, it’s the opposite of that experience. [00:53:00]It’s that my heart opens up. You talk about the twinkle in my eye, you know, there’s just like this Ben. It’s like, oh God, when you’re on fire, when you leave, you know, coffee with your friend or whatever, you’re like, yes, that’s what I recognize as source. That’s what I decided to make my source. And it’s, it’s working. It’s working very well because I can connect to a lot of people under that, under that influence. De’Vannon: Well, I’m glad you found your higher power and I’m glad you’re able to in alive and the spiritual side of you, because it’s like, I tell people all the time, like, I don’t care what you believe in. You gotta believe in something. And because the unseen parts of us mind, body, soul, spirit, which most people, no matter what they believe in, we’ll at least agree. We’ve gotten bad, you know, but those are those unseen parts of us need to be fed and nurtured and taken care of and [00:54:00] paid attention. To least, at least we fall out of balance if we don’t. Yeah. Which can lead a whole, all kinds of problems. So feed your spirits. People find something to believe in. And I feel you like being in the Bible belt and around a bunch of conservative Christians and to make you hate everything God is supposed to stand for. So they can be, they can be quite difficult to find her splitting. And so so I commend you for overcoming that. The any kind of negative emotion that you may have had about that and finding something positive in the spiritual aspect. Spectrum. Thank God for that. Hallelujah. So now let’s talk about. Let’s switch gears. And if you get us all the the deep stuff, let’s talk about Matt. I wonder about Maddy, because Matt, I was reading on y’all’s first date. You said it, you said that you did [00:55:00] everything on this first day that you’re not supposed to do on the first date you walk. I think y’all met at like a coffee shop and he was there first. And you had on, I think like heels and a suit. And so you walk in there and then he starts sweating and everything like that, I think sounds like he’s intimidated just by the way you. Or when you walked through the door and so you decided to turn up the confidence even more. And then, so you go over there and Jewels: hanging right there. I had to grab it De’Vannon: so I can do so much with that. And you, and you were cause I’m most first days people only show a version of themselves or portion of themselves. You are all in. You said, this is the first time you’ve done that. And you’re telling him that you were a dominant female or female dominant, I think is the technical term. You’re always going to have girlfriends and you know, just different things like that, that most people are, you know, most of them, their first date. Oh, you know, I like cats and cream and whatever it gives [00:56:00] me be like, no, I’m going to dominate your ass. I’m always going to have girls on the side. How Jewels: does that work? De’Vannon: How does that work for you? You say the man was intimidated yet. Intrigued. Tell me about this first date experience that end. And now this has evolved into an open-minded marriage, if I’m not mistaken. Jewels: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, going back to the point where you just said, like, we try to put on this, you know, this facade of what I want you to think I am, right. People pleasing in a sense, right. And all my life I had had that mask on. And so now I’m free of the mask and I have I’ve gained many great many gifts because of that mask being gone. There was no way I was going to put a mask on for somebody I didn’t even know to make them feel better. Cause I’m gonna have to go home with that crappy feeling that I had the mask on. So [00:57:00] yes, he was, we have great stories because he was in a, he was in a long-term marriage. It was, you know, it was breaking up. It was very asexual. You know, he was a traveler for work. I mean just kind of the classic, you know, executive. And so, you know, here comes, you know, Juul is clicking in click, click, click, click, click, and I know the power of my, my my presence. And so yeah, I just, you bring that volume right up and just really, really fast in my confidence. Right. So, so So, yeah, it was explaining to him, these are the things I like, you know, and he jokes that he had, you know, underneath the table, he’s like, you know, like CBT he’s like what CBT CBT, like, he’s Googling it to figure out what the hell I’m talking about. Or, you know, what’s a Diaz relationship or, you know, a female, female lead relationship or head of household. And so. And so we, you know, had coffee and, and in fact it was a real eclectic type of [00:58:00] coffee shop. So if you can figure is kind of dark and the big wood tables. And so we got all finished and I got up and walked in. I said, oh, you know, can you take care of that? It was my little tea cup or whatever. So he threw that away and he’s, you know, and here in the south men are very much gentlemen, so it’s not too far out of line, but I push it out of line. And so I remember making our way to the door and it’s one of these really thick, like Oak doors. And I don’t know if a man, like, you know, how do you push the door open? And you go first, there’s always the big question. So anyway, what he did is he pushed them big door open, gave it a shove, and I took a step forward and the door bounced back and it smacked me in the ass and just instinctively, I turned to him and said, we will work on that. And he was like, oh, He’s never been talked to like this. He’s never, you know, like he walked me into the car and I said, thank you. And I got in my car and I drove away. I mean, this is like a powerful man and he’s [00:59:00] getting nowhere with me and it’s not like I’m trying to be a bitch. I’m just like, dude, you haven’t earned any of this. Do you not know the work I have, like I cherish myself and I’m also a professional at this point as a dumb. So it’s clearly it’s not going to happen. What you’re going to kiss me. No, absolutely not man. Kiss my feet, but you’re not kissing my lips. So, so it was a process, but it was a lot of fun because he wanted to learn everything about it. I gave him reading assignments, remember ethical slut. That’s a great book for him to, to learn about, you know life of a female dominant, you know, those sorts of things. And there was a little bit of protocol in the beginning. And then there was the moment when he popped me up on the calendar and said, listen, Joel’s, we can explore an amazing sexual life, but I need 50 50 in a relationship. And D I didn’t even respond. I didn’t, even [01:00:00] when you asking me, you were asking, you’re asking me to give you control, like. I almost asked him to leave. Like I was ready to like end the relationship. I was like, absolutely not. I know, I know where that goes. And then, but there was something where I’m like, ah, what does that even look? What is a partnership? So that was the beginning of what we have now. And because I didn’t have the template of what a traditional marriage was and he didn’t want anything that the traditional marriage had. We were able to create this sexual journey of exploration, but as partners. So, and of course I have this beautiful, you know, bag of tools in this area, right? He’s like a kid in a candy store for like the first three years, you know, we’re going to some great, you know adult clubs who oversees and kept dog, which is a nudist colony. And [01:01:00] I mean, just a lot of different experiences. But then I got, we got to create with that honesty and we talk about jealousy. I had a lot of shit come up. The layers of that onion. Oh my God. Sometimes they were just ripping off jealousy. I’m like, God, I, I never really even had experienced that. I never let myself be vulnerable enough to give a shit about somebody to be jealous of them. That was an emotion. I didn’t have a lot of practice with. So I’m constantly in the making. I’m always working on something because just like the disassociation, like, just because I got sober doesn’t mean that we’re going to clear the slate and now you’re all bad. I would, I would like completely. I’ve completely implode. I mean, I can’t handle all that. And so layer by layer by layer. And so that’s where we’re at right now is, I mean, we’ve had some amazing, sexy, [01:02:00] fun, a lot of sexy, fun, and a lot of different places of the world. And yeah, we’re not done yet, De’Vannon: nor should you be now you mentioned being a professional dominance. You have incredible photos as we were discussing before we got on air and you’re holding, like you told me it’s a horror. Riding, riding crop, Jewels: riding crop. De’Vannon: Right. And so Hey, I’m a very submissive nature, so feel free to Arlin. And so, and so, so I want to know when you got into, because you went from a history of sexual trauma, which closed you up, and now, now not only are you able to have a healthy relationship, but you’re able to explore sexually comfortably, you were able to open up again, and you’ve told us how, you know, through your work in the program and you know, your spiritual [01:03:00] journey. And of course, all the details are in the book. I wonder, how did you, it’s one thing to be comfortable, sexual, huge triumph and victory just there alone. When did you take it to a, it sounds like you’re getting to the abundance discipline, sadomasochism, BDSM community. And I wanted to, what do you do with that riding crop? Exactly. Jewels: So to be very honest, the sexual exploration didn’t happen till after the riding crop that all took place afterwards. So I got it. Cause you know, it’s like I’ve been in the DS world pretty much my adult life, huh? Pardon me? Dominant. Okay. So the DS world and so. I mean, that was the career I had because I did it as a lifestyle. And then I realized that I could make a very good living on it. And I think [01:04:00] on, and we were speaking earlier about like medic metaphysics and the energies and things that you really can’t explain this at this point goes in that category because the first inkling I hear from people who are UN familiar with any sort of DS or bondage or any of this sort of stuff like their energy exchange is they equate the abuse with men. When I was younger equated in the me abusing men as I got older. So there is this, the stigma, the stereotype. Now what really happened is I endured this, I endured these energies. I endured this sort of trauma. I heal through it. And then I actually made peace. Why men do what they do. Why? I mean, I studied them. I learned about the mind of a submissive male. I learned that I can provide them a space [01:05:00]that society says is a complete taboo. And in fact, I’m going to provide this space and I’m not only going to give that space, I’m going to encourage it. And I’m going to exchange loving energies with you. And even though I may have that riding crop in my hand, it’s like, you’re going to dinner. It doesn’t matter what you’re going to eat. You’re going to the event of dinner you are coming and I’m going to hold space and we’re going to exchange energy. It doesn’t matter what I use. Right. So that is really what this is. And so just like we were talking a little bit ago that dark energy and that really light open-heart energy when I go into that space. I understand what it feels like to have to have a secret. And I understand what it feels like to be seen as the black sheep, because of something [01:06:00] I enjoy. And I’m sure you definitely understand you have this experience. Right. And a lot of my gay friends in recovery makes me sick to hear the ship that they had to go through. So yes, I adore my men. I adored them without them. I can not exchange energy, but I mean, it’s phenomenal. And the fact that I have that mental knowledge and the physical knowledge is I can, I can provide quite a bit in that area. Actually. De’Vannon: What can you provide with that ragging crop? Jewels: That writing crap? It’s just, it could be a reminder De’Vannon: like, oh, go ahead. It can be a reminder. Jewels: So it could be just a little reminder, a little tap tap, like herding cats, right. Tap, tap, and getting out of line. It could be a quick reminder of like, you know, kind of like when your mom would ever backhand, you you’d be like that kind of response. And it also can be [01:07:00] used as a warmup. So I thoroughly enjoy over the knees spankings. I love to put grown men over my lap and I love to give them spankings. And so I may start with having them on a bed. With that riding crop. You’ve got those sparkly eyes. I love it. You’re like, yes. Ma’am De’Vannon: oh gosh, you were down on bourbon street because I live here in Baton Rouge and we just sat on new Orleans all the time. And there’s, there’s this lady who has come to bourbon street and she’s bald and she’s walks around with her kits out and she’ll have on some sort of something fun around the bottom. And she has a paddle, a thick board, and she walks around with big people, thanking people for a dollar. And and, and she was one of my favorite people. My boys were in, paid her to spank me and it was heavenly. [01:08:00] And this huge crowd gathered around and took pictures of, Jewels: oh, beautiful. I have to ask. Did you, did you do bare ass or did you keep your pants. De’Vannon: Well, she didn’t tell me to take my pants down. So I didn’t know if he told me or Jewels: what else. There’s more icing to be put on that cake, De’Vannon: which I mean, with her Jewels: doing it. Yeah. For doing De’Vannon: that, it felt like, like an ass massage. And she was, it was, it was, it was hard. It was rough and it was loud, but I like it rough. And so it worked, it worked for me. What did your tell me your, and we’ll be wrapping up here soon. I just have like, just two questions left. And what is your. Oh, that’s what I was going to say. You, you tell me how you’d like to spank grown. Men reminds me of Elektra from [01:09:00] pose and other men pose is the the series on X, but you can watch it on Netflix now, too. About transsexuals and trainings and things like that. Coming up when HIV and aids was a big deal, Billy Porter is in it, and there is. Somebody in there when the main character is her name is Electra and she’s this really tall, you know, male to female character originally from Tobago, I believe in, oh my God, her character, eventually he gets a job working in a dungeon, a sex dungeon in New York, thanking people, time, men up humiliating them, you know, things like that, leaving them in cages thing like that. And it is such a huge business. It’s such a huge fetish and she charged her Nicholas just gobs of cash, you know, and every[01:10:00] everything like that. And and so, yeah. Hey, I respect the hustle. I don’t care. It’s that? What, what, what is your. Kinky is the memory, the something really, really spicy that you beer that still gets your tits wet to this day, just to even think about it. Jewels: And no, it was, I went to in DC, they have the fetish ball every year and the support is pre COVID. So pre COVID and one of my friends was there and he enjoyed dressing up and poof, like, so probably he did age played pay age play, probably like a five-year-old girl. I mean, the, the like Goldilocks, like the curls and the, all the oh, the fluffiness underneath the skirt, you know, the, I can’t think of that word right now. And so anyway, he’s like hitting on this dark haired girl and he’s kind of, you know, spanking or, and kind of playing and, and I just thought she was sexy. And so I’m a [01:11:00] woman who well asks for what I want or suggest whatever it may be. And so. And she laid across my lap and I was like, oh my like, kind of like, I don’t, I don’t just give this a way. Oh, ma’am. And I was like, oh my God, she called me ma’am. And so it was like this huge, like, like this buildup of sexual energy happening. Cause she was really hot. And so you know, I paddled with her or whatever and, and then I told her, I said, you’ll be going home with me tonight. And I walked out and I walked away and I went onto them and do whatever I was going to do. And so she’s completely like enamored, like, oh my God, it’s a fucking unicorn. Yes, yes. I’m going forward. We are back at the hotel. I mean, I’m trying to sneak my friend in the back door. I mean, in that poof. Yes. I currently go to jail. She’s screaming. You don’t know who she is. And I’m like, just get in, get, get in the hotel room. And so what I did then is I, I had a boy with me at the time and [01:12:00] protocol is very important to me. And so he was in a a tux with tales and the white glove. And he, his job was to keep my wife. Safe. Right. Because of course I don’t drink. And so I don’t want anything to go into my water. And so he’s been in this like really strict, strict protocol. And so then what I do is I get back and I completely seduce him. DSY humiliate him. I have him on his knees. This girl is like completely blown away by what’s happening. And and then I told the poof the one improve the sound, even think it’s seductive. I told him, I said, you have two minutes to get him off. And he was like, but ma’am, I was like, don’t you but me? And so I said, you have two minutes. And so he’s sitting behind my boy and he’s like, dude, I’m not gay. He’s like, just do your work. We’re gonna get our ass paddled. You know? So it was it’s for me. It’s that kind of fun stuff like that. [01:13:00] And that next morning, actually I flew out and the two boys were left and something went down where the one in pool. Had to give my boy bare ass spankings with a paddle and send me pictures. Cause I didn’t have time. I was on the flight on my way back home. And so they sending me pictures in first class of, you know, this red bottom, you know, I don’t know if it was sexy, but it made me laugh so hard. We had such a bad night, went on, went on forever. I think I got like a half hour sleep before I had to get on the plane. De’Vannon: Did he Jack him off? Did he suck him off? How did he get him off in two minutes? Jewels: Just his hand. He just did his hand. I don’t think he got him off. I don’t even think that. I think that’s why he ended up getting the paddling warning is because he didn’t do, as I said, but I ended up taking that woman back into the bedroom. Then she popped that wig off. I was like, fuck, she’s a screaming red head. I was like, [01:14:00] oh my God, this is like, who are you? And then I made my boy tend to me holding the towel, the lube, the vibrator, whatever. I may have need kind of like a pool boy, my towel. De’Vannon: Well, damn bitch. I can learn some shit from you. I Jewels: have a lot of tricks. There’s some good ones in the book. De’Vannon: I assume you like red heads by the reaction. Jewels: I’ve never been with a red head. That was like the first time ever. No, I’m not keen to read it. I really enjoy beautiful black men, to be honest. That’s my preference. And so in any like, dark skin is so beautiful and maybe it’s because I’m so pale myself that we always like what we don’t have, but yeah, she was, I mean, she had porcelain like skin, which I could appreciate, but no, that was, that was, that was a big surprise. De’Vannon: Well, I’m glad you had the time of your life. [01:15:00] Jewels: Well, obviously I still laugh about it and that was probably like, I don’t know, eight years ago. Yeah, De’Vannon: what a fun sexual outlet. And so, so not only are you a resource for surviving sexual trauma and addiction and all of that, but also when people are ready to explore, they could just reach out for a little bit or a lot of direction. It looks like you’d be happy to guide them. So then I feel like we have added some serious value to the world today. And I was like, my guests have the last word. So this is, this is your time to speak to the hurting, speak to the kink community, speak to whomever. It is the fuck you would like to and give them your mind. Jewels: You know, we only have one [01:16:00] chance to do. To do this life. And from my experience, putting in the work has allowed me a great level of freedom going into the dark areas that used to scare the shit out of me and own them. It has allowed me that emotional freedom, which allows me to go into the world much more open and receive some of the most amazing experiences. Like I said, sailing the ocean, diving the, you know, the deep sea going off to sex parties, whatever it may be. It, that is the way I think life is supposed to be led. So I would have to say, don’t get tripped up over the little things. It’s not worth it. Go big, De’Vannon: go big or go home or you like it big. Jewels: We’ll leave it right there. [01:17:00] De’Vannon: All right. Jewels thank you so much. Jewels: Baby you’re welcome. Thank you. This has been fun. De’Vannon: Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast. It really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at sex, drugs, and jesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well. My name is De’Vannon and it’s been wonderful being your host today and just remember that everything is going to be all right.