INTRODUCTION:
I’m a professor, hypnotherapist, author, and advocate who has helped many people for the past 20+ years overcome trauma from PTSD, abuse (physical, sexual & emotional) & other mental health issues. In many cases, I may be the only person that my clients confide in regarding their sexual assault or rape. My mission is to raise awareness and convince people and parents that young children and teens must learn about grooming and targeting so that, as a community, we can reduce the number of sexual assaults against our youth.
INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):
· Sexual Victimization & Trauma
· Reporting/Non-reporting
· Me Too Movement
· Victim Grooming
· Religious Implications
· The “Sex Talk” Is Not A One Time Event
· How Molestation Affects Future Relationships For The Victims
· Molestation Is Not Because Of The Gays!!!
· Women In Comas Who End Up Pregnant
· Possible Treatments – For The Victims & The Perpetrators
CONNECT WITH DR. SMITH:
Website: https://right2consent.com/
Books: https://right2consent.com/#Books
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@right2consent
LinkedIn: https://bit.ly/3SpKsp3
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/right2consent/?hl=en
Twitter: https://twitter.com/@right2consent
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/right2consent/
CONNECT WITH DE’VANNON:
Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com
Website: https://www.DownUnderApparel.com
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexdrugsandjesus
YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopix
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.es/SexDrugsAndJesus/_saved/
Email: DeVannon@SDJPodcast.com
DE’VANNON’S RECOMMENDATIONS:
· Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)
o https://www.netflix.com/title/81040370
o TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs
· OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)
o https://www.youtube.com/c/OverviewBible
· Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)
· Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin
o https://leavinghillsong.podbean.com
· Upwork: https://www.upwork.com
· FreeUp: https://freeup.net
VETERAN’S SERVICE ORGANIZATIONS
· Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org
· American Legion: https://www.legion.org
· What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg
INTERESTED IN PODCASTING OR BEING A GUEST?:
· PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.
https://podmatch.com/signup/devannon
TRANSCRIPT:
Dr. Lisa Smith
[00:00:00]
You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right at the end of the day. My name is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world as we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your life.
There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode.
De’Vannon: Hello everyone, and welcome to episode number 92 of the Sex Drugs In. Podcast. Thank you so much for joining us today. Dr. Lisa Smith is a professor, a hypnotherapist, an author, and an advocate who has helped many, many people over the past 20 years to overcome all kinds of sexual trauma and P T S D and physical and mental and emotional abuse and all kinds of stuff.
Y’all Now, in this episode, Dr. Smith and I are gonna be focusing [00:01:00] particularly on child molestation elder. Victim grooming, religious implication, and various things like that in the sexual arena. This episode touches on serious issues within our society that are severely understated. So I hope y’all get a lot out of this episode and share it with somebody you know.
Hello, are you beautiful people out there? And welcome back to the sex drugs in Jesus podcast. Yes, Jesus is your friend. He’s my friend. And if you don’t believe in anything at all, then maybe you will one day. Today I have with me Dr. Lisa Smith. She’s an author and advocate and professor. This woman has over 20 years of experience as a counselor and a hypnotherapist.
She considers herself to be an advocate for the masses of those suffering from trauma and abuse. She’s professor of psychology, criminal justice, and Human services. Girl, how you doing today, ?
Dr. Smith: I am beautiful. And that is [00:02:00] my mantra. Hello, beautiful people. So I am doing really good today and I’m very grateful to ha to be on your show.
De’Vannon: Well, thank you for setting us out an hour of your life, Dr. Smith. You know, all the resources we burned through in this life and that we can create more of time. time is one of those things that we just can’t get back any more of. And so for you to set aside an hour of your irreversible resource, you know, irre, replenishable resource with Little O Me, you know, it is not taken for granted.
I appreciate you mentally.
Dr. Smith: Thank you so very much, and I appreciate you for spreading this important message because I don’t think we have this conversation enough with all the conversations we could be having. I think this is one we definitely need to have a lot more of, especially when you’re talking about trauma and [00:03:00] sexual.
De’Vannon: So y’all, well, you might be questioning what trauma will we be talking about today? Cause we talk about a lot of trauma on this show for the day, we’re talking about sexual victimization of everybody from Little Childrens all the way up to old people. Before we hopped on this Zoom meeting, Dr. Smith was telling me about the sexual assault of elders, like in her state.
She’s in Florida. And I was like, okay, well fuck, I never thought about people trying to like do sexual things to incapacitated old people. And, but you know, we’re gonna talk about that, you know, you know, later on here. So tell us, you know, so tell us about your, your educational training. You know, you are a doctor.
Where did you study? What did you learn?
Dr. Smith: Absolutely. Well, I live in Florida, but I am a New Yorker, so I studied at the, in, in CUNY City University of New York at City College. I’m shouting out my alma mater. I also received my [00:04:00] doctorate. I got my bachelor’s in my master. There and I received my, my doctorate from Walden University.
And then I also have a criminal Justice Masters from Johnson and Wales University. And one of the things I am is the advocate for sexual violence because most of my training has been with trauma, trauma with foster to care kids, trauma with young girls as well as boys. I work with juveniles who were trying to move from the prison system out of the as in diversion programs.
And they have a lot of sexual assault history. But I’m a hypnotherapist. I’ve been a hypnotherapist since oh six. I’ve worked in a lot of social programs. And what I find is that sexual trauma is most prevalent. So let me give you the stats. One in four girls, one in six boys. But I believe that that is much higher simply [00:05:00] because these are the people that we know have reported.
And as you and I know, many people don’t report. They tell their story, but they don’t report. And so for, especially for the males, those who are themselves, sexual assault victims as well as predators in the juvenile justice system, you find a lot of both, right? Because they were sexually assaulted and they modeled that behavior.
So in 2006, I I was working in a. Delinquency program and I was asked if I would be interested in hypnotherapy, which I had not considered, but the subconscious is where we hide or code that trauma through our sensory memories. So it, it was apropo for me to be able to use that technique to actually hit the trauma much quicker than you will in talk therapy.
Most of the time it can take anywhere from one to [00:06:00] six meetings, but usually about three meetings with me and that trauma is exposed and you can start moving f from that. So that’s, that’s my background. And I, like I said, I’m a professor as well. I teach at University of Arizona Global Campus in the human services programs.
We have a bachelor’s, master’s, and PhD there where I work with graduate students. So that’s my background.
De’Vannon: There’s nothing wrong with that. You know, I’m a, a hypnotist as well. I went to school for that and learned you know, all about it. And I, I was gonna pair it with my massage therapy certification that I have it.
In the process of learning hypnotherapy, I realized just how how much help I needed myself, and then I decided that I didn’t need to be doing that on anybody else. And I, and I turned my training inward and used it to heal me and
Dr. Smith: so beautiful. I love
De’Vannon: that. , like Dr. [00:07:00] Smith is saying, hypnotherapy is real.
And she’s not talking about make people quack like ducks on stage or see if they’re afraid of cotton and all, all this crazy shit. You see, like on talk shows, we’re talking about a therapeutic approach and it’s often paired with like psychologists and sociologists or social workers rather, and things like that.
And it is totally done in a clinical setting. The education is accredited. Look it up, people. Hypnotherapy is real. There’s all kinds of mental health services out there. Maybe hypnotherapy can work for you if nothing else has. So Dr. Smith also wrote a series of books. There’s a couple for parents, a couple for kids.
The titles are interesting. The first one is called Chad Keeps a Secret. The other one is a yes. Aaliyah can’t tell her secret. Yes, those are the ones for parents. It’s called the blaming and shaming of defenseless victims in America’s rape culture. And y’all, the statistics and things we’re talking about today are for the United States of America.
We’re not talking [00:08:00] globally. And then the other one is overcoming trauma. Is there anything you’d like to say about these four books that you have contributed to the world?
Dr. Smith: Absolutely. So the children’s books are so that we can start talking to children about sexual violence simply because, Most children under the age of eight will be approached by a sex offender.
And many of them don’t know what to do when they’re asked to keep a secret. And so Chad Keeps a secret, was named by my, my niece Chad Bozeman had just died. And she thought that it would be important for her to name the character Chad in his honor. Now, of course, Aaliyah can’t tell. Her secret has everything to do with Aaliyah.
Just be clear. The, the characters in it are Aaliyah and [00:09:00] Robert, right? Because I don’t want us to know that as a community. We slept on Aaliyah. We knew what was happening with r Kelly, and we did nothing. So this is homage to her. So that people are aware that yes, your teen too can be in a sexual situation that she is not consenting to.
And even though we have what we call Romeo and Juliet laws that oftentimes people are not aware that 36% of sex offenders are juveniles or they’re consenting with older adults. So those are five to nine year olds. And then we have the the blaming and shaming of defenseless victims in America’s rape culture.
Why is that? Because we use this theory Now, this is a theory that I devise, you’ll find it in my book. That book is specifically [00:10:00] for parents, teachers college student. I wanna know more about how we encourage rape culture in this, in the United States, how we deny, or what we call denial, which is part of dis theory, d i i S, we deny we do not act, which is inaction and information suppression.
So basically what we do as a community, as a friend is oftentimes we say, no, that couldn’t have happened. Most of the time we are not saying, I believe you. I wanna help you. What can I do to help you? We deny we don’t provide action, we don’t report, and then we suppress the information. So we have a large number of undetected sex offenders out and about making their way to another vulnerable victim, whether that be a child, a teen, or an adult.
So those are my books. They’re [00:11:00] available on Amazon, but they’re also available on my website. Which is a crime reporting website right to consent.com. And that’s the number And that is report?
De’Vannon: Yeah. And that’s the number two. And I’m gonna put her website, it’s right, the number two consent.com. And I’m gonna put all that in the show notes along with her social media and everything like that.
I’m curious, what, what got you particularly passionate about this subject matter? Did something happen to you when you were younger or someone you know? What sets you on this
Dr. Smith: trajectory? Ironically, there four girls in my family, three have been sexually assaulted. I have not been sexually assaulted, but when I was nine years old, my.
Cousins were kidnapped and taken to Saudi Arabia because their father wanted to practice Islam from the origins. And when I saw my cousin [00:12:00] again she was 12 years old. She was a child bride, and she had a baby. And so for a long time I was afraid of the Islamic faith. I didn’t know much about it.
But I learned a lot about what my cousin would went through. Not only was she sexually assaulted in her marriage as a child bribe, but she was de she, she also faced physical violence. So like I said, the, my, my quest is, , how do we reduce the numbers, eradicate the issue because that was so personal to me.
And I have my other cousin who was also married at a, a young age, but she was able to consent the, the sister of my cousin at the time. So, you know, that for African American [00:13:00] girl was a startling revelation. Should I say that this was accepted practice in another part of the world and that child brides can be found in so many places in this c in this world.
De’Vannon: Tell me what, what is, how do you feel like the Me Too, the me Too movement compares with what you’ve studied here and what you’ve written about?
Dr. Smith: Well, I think that the Me Too movement. Kind of piggybacks off of what I call the, the kids too movement, because many of the young people in, not young, but older people in the Me Too movement was sexually assaulted as children, as teens.
For many of these women and men, their first sexual this first sexual, [00:14:00] I don’t wanna say event, was forced or forcible rape or sexually violent. It wasn’t consenting. And so when you say Me Too, the question is what does me, what’s the foundation of Me Too? Are the women and men saying that I was a child when I was first sexually assaulted under the age of 10, right.
Prepubescent ages, or was I a teen under the age of 18? Right. And so, . The reason why I say that’s important because if you are sexually assaulted as a child, you are depending on your race and, and gender, you are. If you’re African American, you’re 35 times more likely to be sexually assaulted in again.
And the sexual assault repetition [00:15:00] is increased when you’re under the age of eight. So sexual assault can happen again in your teens and many times the people in Me Too have been sexually assaulted more than once. . Okay. And that’s why I think it’s significant because depending on your age, will determine the likelihood or your vulnerability of being sexually assaulted again in the future.
And that’s why I think we need to start having these conversations much, much earlier so that children know how to talk to an offender because the parents aren’t gonna be there to save them, if that makes sense.
De’Vannon: Right. And we’ll talk about those parents in a, in a minute, cause I’ve got my opinions on, on, on parenting when it comes to the topic of sex.
But what, what would you say, I’d like you to give a word of comfort to people out there who have been victims [00:16:00] of sexual assault, either once or multiple times, but, and they may be thinking like, why does this keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Why is it my fault? What would you say to them?
Dr. Smith: Well, one is the, the fact that we don’t talk to our kids and teens about sex.
In fact, we usually, if we’re talking about sex education classes, they don’t come around until the child is in their teens. But what about all those other stages and ages? One is about vulnerability. The other is about what do I do if I’m in this situation? And we don’t have those conversations if we’re not having conversations about sex.
And sometimes that’s religious based, right? And sometimes that’s cultural based and taboo. But if we’re not having these conversations, then how does this child know that I can be in this scenario and how am I going to out of this scenario unharmed. Right. [00:17:00] And and, and that’s what I think is missing, right?
How is a child victim? How is a one child more likely to be victimized than another child? Right? And, and, and the question is, is how savvy are they when they are approached by someone who, let’s just take teens, for example. If you’ve never had sex and you don’t know what to expect and nobody has told you what to expect, even if you say no, somewhere along the line that consent, because we have a lot of issues with consent in this country, that consent may be disregarded.
Right? And why is it disregarded? Because we have a culture in which there’s this that no doesn’t mean. , right? We have movies that show No, no, no, no, no. And then acquiescence, right? So we have these these cues that we’re [00:18:00] giving teens as well as young children that just because you say no, that does not mean that you have agency over your body and that the person who is wishing to violate you has more power and control over you.
Okay? The other is that what scenario is that child gonna be placed in, and how savvy are they to maneuver their way out of it not to be harmed? And so that’s what I believe the issue is. We need to talk about it more often. We need to provide scenarios to young teens as well as children, so that in the event they are approached, they know how to act and respond.
And they know that secret keeping is not part of the equation.
De’Vannon: Can you give us an example, either from your experience or one of your books as to how a child or somebody who’s about to be a victim or has been can act and respond?
Dr. Smith: [00:19:00] Absolutely. So in one of my books the blaming is shaman of defenseless victims.
I have a boy at the time, he was five years old. His cousin had approached him 11 years old. Grandma goes to the grocery store, his cousin’s supposed to be in the house, right? Because 93% of people who are most likely to victimize your child, they’re known, they’re acquaintance, they’re a family member.
And let’s be clear, so he’s in the home with his cousin, she’s 11. Okay? And they play this game of touch, right? And, and pleasure. . So he doesn’t know as a five year old that this is something that he shouldn’t engage in, but it feels good to him. So he allows it. It’s a secret. Grandma’s not here. So we’re gonna keep this secret.
And this goes on for up to a year. Every time grandma leaves, they are both touched, they both touch each other. Right now, if we were [00:20:00] to do a rape kit, there’s no evidence, right? But yet this is still happening. So how does a child combat that one? , they need to know body boundaries. They need to know that even if this is your cousin, this should not happen.
There needs to be a conversation that nobody should touch your body outside of washing it. Right. Because there are times where older adults and older siblings are responsible for taking care of their younger siblings, but that child needs to know that their body shouldn’t be touched in a certain way.
Those conversations for that five-year-old didn’t happen. And so now we see him as an adult. He has a lot of sexual addiction. He also modeled some of the behaviors as he was growing into a teen. And so he looked for, for other girls that had some sexual assault history because [00:21:00] it was easier for them to consent, if you will.
Right. I have lo loads of stories where I had someone contact me on Instagram. Four year old daughter is being anally raped by her dad, but the courts don’t believe her. The cops don’t believe her. She’s gone to C P S C P S refused to do a refused to do a wellness check and a, and a bodily check.
They just took the report and because she has drug abuse history, they did not investigate. Right. So my. , my advice to her was go to the hospital. They’re required to do a check after she comes from her father because it’s court appointed that he sees her every weekend [00:22:00] after she comes from her father to get that report.
And a doctor providing that report can easily be taken to the courts to say there’s some anal fissures, which she, which they did fine. And there’s lacerations around the anus. So, so as I said before the goal is not for your child to be victimized or for a, a child to experience this. The goal is to keep them safe, but it’s happening.
So what do we do now that we have to be reactive instead of proactive? Well,
De’Vannon: that brings me to my issue with parenting. So like growing up here in the south, in good old Baton Rouge, Louisiana. , you know, they didn’t talk about the s word, you know, they didn’t mention sex. They kinda left it to the church into the school, which is like nothing.
And so and, and like, and like you’re saying when the, the talk, the sex, the birds and the bees does [00:23:00] happen. A per a person’s a teenager or whatever, they already got hard dicks and you know, and everything’s already been happened by then. But we started experimenting with each other’s body parts when we were like in kindergarten, you know, we were already curious at that age.
And so I learned about sex from like red shoe diaries on Showtime and real, you know, real fucking Right, right. And so, I agree with Dr. Smith. The only way to safeguard your child against a sexual predator is to establish boundaries as soon as that child is gonna be being outside of your sight. You know, because you cannot control what the hell is gonna happen to your child when they’re not there.
Education is the only way in keeping that door open. The sex talk is not a one time thing. It’s supposed to be an open dialogue that that kid can always come back to you and be made to feel comfortable and safe and not weird. And then if something [00:24:00] does happen, then that bridge is already built. You know, here in the south it’s like, it was like the big parents and little kids, you know, the adults over here, the kids over here, they always had this gap between us.
And so I never felt like I could go to an adult with any fucking thing. And so, right. You know, when I was 15, I was the older boy in my church and they, the choir director was like 21, 22 and he took an interest in me and we were dating or whatever, and we’d meet in the back of church and make out the adults I guess acted like they didn’t know or whatever.
And this went on for months and he was running around trying to intentionally give people H I v aids is what he was doing. And so, wow. As an adult, looking back on it, And the, and it, it had to be fucking clear, you know? I’m like, why the fuck didn’t any of the adults in this, in this church say anything?
They just let me, let this, let this [00:25:00] 22 year old man do whatever the fuck he wanted to with my 15 year old ass
Dr. Smith: Can I bring my criminal justice background in here first?
first. They’re, they’re equally as liable nowadays. Now that the laws are changing, parents as well as guardians are starting to be held accountable for stuff like that. But when we talk about consent laws and age of consent and ability to consent to a certain type of sexual relationship 14 used to in, in, if I’m not mistaken, in Louisiana.
14 used to be the age, but they pushed that up if I’m not mistaken, to 16 and that, and it’s been 16 probably for decades. Right. So if you’re saying that this happened at [00:26:00] 15, that man could have, cuz he’s a man after 21, after 18. Right. That man could be responsible. And many of the laws now are changing that they are allowing people to report abuse.
That was depending on the age. Of course, if you, if you were a child, you have a lifetime of reporting. But if you were like you, you, a teen, usually some only allow 10 years. Some might allow 25 years. It depends on the. If that makes sense. So that’s my criminal justice history. But the fact what, what I need, need the people out there to know is most of the community knows the sexual predator and knows the sex offender.
Right. And I’ll just throw a question out there. Which one of your family members was suspect that your mama told you Stay away from? Right. Stay away from him or tell [00:27:00] her because they up to no good. Right. Most of the time the community knows first why. is it that they don’t engage? It’s cuz let’s be clear, it has everything to do with who is the person responsible for this victimization?
Are they a pillar of the community? Is it a pastor, is it a deacon in the church? Is it a authority figure? Is it a head, a principal at, at the school? Is it a teacher? A lot of times parents will not report because they don’t want one, their business to get in the street. And two, they don’t wanna be the parent that was not paying enough attention to their child to have and, and victimization occur.
Right? So that’s denial, inaction, information suppression, dis theory at the top. [00:28:00] Correct.
De’Vannon: And you know, parenting is, is not like a cute thing. But it is treated cute. You know, whenever you hear somebody say, they usually don’t wanna have a kid. , it’s really to the benefit of the parent. You know, you don’t really have a child for the child’s sake, you know, the kid does not exist until you create them.
You create them for your own entertainment or for your own pur purposes, or you want something to love. It is completely selfish to have a child. I don’t mean that in a judging way, I just mean it in a truthful way. Not going to adopt a kid that’s already here is a little bit different because you’re trying to help somebody in a fucked up situation.
But the whole point is once the kid gets past the cute rosy phase, you know, you know, there’s actual like a lifetime of accountability and it’s like a job to be a parent, you know, and everything like that. And it is not just this cute thing, you know, cute kid. You want it to help save your marriage or to help you feel good about yourself or to help you have something love.
You know that that person. A, a living ball of emotions and con [00:29:00] consciousness and decisions and things and, and yeah, I, well, I’m saying all this is say, I don’t think a lot of people think very deep into the weight of parenting and they get caught up in the emotion of fulfilling the American dream. And then when all of these mm-hmm.
things come up, they fall short because they really didn’t think about what the hell they were getting into when they decided.
Dr. Smith: Right. And, and here’s the thing. If that person who’s victimizing your child happens to be within your family, families break up for this, right? If it’s a father who is victimizing their daughter or their son, , what does that mean to split up the household, right?
If it is a nephew or a c a a, a favorite cousin who’s victimizing your child, what does that mean to the family as a unit? What parent wants to [00:30:00] turn in their son or daughter, right? What family wants to deal with the fact of sexual assault? And I get it, however I’ll give you another case. Girl is 16 years old.
Her, she’s in her aunt’s house. Her pa, her sh her family is there because they lost housing. And it’s not uncommon for aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews and cousins to be living in the same house at grandma’s house. But at night, she was expected to sleep on the couch. So her uncle would come in, have his beer, feel her up.
Go home, go and get in bed with his, with his, with her aunt and sh and her mom slept in another room with her younger siblings. And that was a every night occurrence. But when she brought, she brought it to me. I’m a mandatory reporter, so I have to report this. One of the first things I do is contact her mom.
And her mom cusses me [00:31:00] out. I’m gonna make her lose her housing. Her sister’s not gonna talk to her anymore. And I, me, the counselor is gonna cause her to be out on the street. I can’t tell you how many times people have cussed me out to keep their child safe. I’ve had a father tell me he was gonna come up to.
My job and whip my ass and he don’t know me cuz I’m like, listen, I’ll give you what you looking for. I get off at five o’clock and I have no problem meeting you. I don’t bullies. I’m sorry. Not I ain’t your wife and I ain’t scared of you. Yes, I absolutely will report this, but I won’t be by own myself either.
Okay. I’ll not be by myself. So call me again. I will give you what you looking for.
De’Vannon: He said he ain’t about that life. You ain’t about that life.[00:32:00]
Dr. Smith: I’m not the one. Absolutely not. I, I know that this is a thankless job, but the question is, well, what child in your family do you wanna be harmed? How do you wanna mess with their sexual identity? Because let’s be clear. Sexual assault. I’m not talking about sexual orientation, I’m talking about sexual identity.
I’m talking about the way they experience pleasure. I’m talking about the way their ideas of sex after they’ve been violated. I’m talking about how they feel about their own body, their own agency over their body, and how long that’s gonna last, right? Is it gonna last into their twenties? You best believe it.
Is it gonna last into their thirties, their forties and fifties? You best believe it. We’ve got 60 and 70 year olds who had sexual charma, and I’m still the first one they told. Hmm. Okay. And what did that mean for the way they, they [00:33:00] received touch, right? Did they find pleasure? Were they out of their body?
Are they still numb from something that happened so many decades before? . Right? That’s what I mean about sexual identity. You and I, we love sex just as much as the next one because it’s pleasurable and it’s orgasmic. But what does that mean for a child who’s just entering that sexual world and they’ve been violated and victimized?
How will they experience sexual pleasure in the future? And why are we as a community so careless about the fact that we are creating these damaging individuals? Sexual addiction isn’t a joke, but let’s be clear. There is a link between those who are sexually addicted and sexual assault. Okay. And the way in which promiscuity plays out in their life.[00:34:00]
Is that a bomb dropper?
De’Vannon: No. I’m just thinking about some people that, well, you know, some people that I know. You know you know, and wondering, you know, what the possible link, just ask them.
Dr. Smith: Ask them. I, I, listen. Sexual addiction is linked to sexual assault or victimization or violation in the youth, in their youth.
And many of them have repressed it so deep that they don’t know that they’re being triggered every time they’re in a sexual, sexual situation.
De’Vannon: So do you find that people who’ve been sexually assaulted are not emotionally present, they’re just kind of like doing the act of sex or what, what, what do you.[00:35:00]
Dr. Smith: So there I, yes, I’m gonna say yes to that because there are people who the violence was so frequent that they left their body right, and so they’re emotionally lo numb. It’s what we call dissociation, right? And we leave our body if we are in threat, right? But if it happens so frequently, then we are no longer emoting properly.
So if you are in, for example, if you are in a car accident and you felt that you were going to die, right? You dissociate, meaning that you go into a shock and you freeze. But in that freezing, you disconnect from that emotion, those emotions that may prevent you from reacting and responding. So then we respond.
Physiologically, but we are not aware of why we’re doing it. Our body mobilizes us and that happens a lot. [00:36:00] So when we are sexual, when, when, when we are sexually assaulted, and that brings sexual violence, right? It is painful. It is harm. Hurtful. It is. And, and you, you stop having control over your own body regardless of the age you dissociate.
And it doesn’t mean that you return. So for many people, they don’t experience that pleasure. They have to have this real intense either roughness. It’s the same thing with substance abuse issues. Many people who have substance abuse issues use that as a form of escapism to escape the fact that there’s all this trauma in their background.
Okay? And they can’t. Prevented because they’re constantly being triggered by sensory experiences, smell, taste, touch here. Okay. And all the [00:37:00] time they’re triggered. It brings them right back to that place because like I said, there are some people who are can, can absolutely cannot move past the trauma. And sometimes talk therapy doesn’t allow them to do that.
And some people don’t even get any kind of therapy, so they just go on. But they’re still in that state and they’ve made a decision. Every time we make a life threatening choice, we make a decision. Sometimes it’s an eight year old making that decision. Sometimes it’s a 12 year old making that decision.
Sometimes it’s a 25 year old or a 65 year old making a decision. But we do make a decision about our lack of power and control.
De’Vannon: So I have a question about the gays. So when I was in my, it’s the gays , right? But when I was in my mid twenties, I, I used to be heavily involved at Lakewood Church in [00:38:00] Houston, Texas, you know, under Joel, Joel and Victoria Osteen.
Once they found out I wasn’t quite as straight as they would’ve liked me to be after questioning who I’m dating and stuff like that, I was fired from volunteering and basically told that I was a threat to the children that I was working around just due to my sexual orientation. And so, since the church has this belief that gay men want to lurk around the church to fuck their little boys, I’m, I’m curious if you’ve seen this in your practice, cuz the church acts like every child molester has to be a gay.
Dr. Smith: Okay, so first I wanna say I apologize immensely that that happened to you. As you were saying it, my heart was dropping and I had a little ping. Okay? They are wrong. As soon as I see their psych degree, I will revisit this, but they are wrong, and they had absolutely no [00:39:00] right to tell you that you are a predator.
Let’s be clear, gay does not equal predation. Let’s start there. If y’all didn’t hear that before, gay does not equal predation. More importantly, when we start looking at the research, the research says that if you are a sex offender or a predator, you most likely have a. , okay. It has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation.
It has everything to do with your sexual proclivities. What are you attracted to? There are some male as well as female, and it does not necessarily mean that it is a gay relationship, a bisexual relationship, a transgender relationship, an intersex relationship. Let’s get it all out there. Or pansexual, I can go on.
This is [00:40:00] about are you attracted to a certain type of minor? Are you attracted to prepubescent? Are you attracted to pubescent? Are you attracted to a certain kind of individual? Now there are those who were born that way, has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. More importantly, if Joe Stein can show me his psych degree.
I listen to him, absolutely listen to him. But the days of homosexuality as a disorder in ERA have long passed. Okay? The D S M does not recognize homosexuality as a disorder, right? So let’s be clear. Religion often takes a stance that’s not validated by research science [00:41:00] or any other human behavior, okay?
The fact that many people think that a gay man or a lesbian woman can influence their child in such a way means that they have very little information about the way in which a child not adopts, but is born into a certain sexual orientation. . Okay. So you being a gay does not influence me To be gay does not influence others to be gay.
You might serve as a model, meaning that you might be someone that a young gay boy can come and talk to about experiences because they themselves are gay. Okay? But it’s not to say that you would somehow, because you were interacting with this child, rub your gayness [00:42:00] off on them, if that makes sense. Okay.
It is bullshit
and you know when people come up with this or if, when people perceive these incorrect and ignorant thoughts, it’s not a threat. That you, it’s not that you are a threat, it’s that they are a threat because they go around preaching this to others and it’s totally and completely inaccurate. But I always tell people, well, as soon as I can see your psych degree, then I will listen to you.
But outside of that, if you’ve sat in as many psych classes and hypnotherapy classes as I have to be not only just to get the degrees, then you might have something to say, but I’m certain that it’s not gonna be what they’re saying. So again, I apologize for that because [00:43:00] they are authority figures and people listen to them as if their words and thoughts are truthful and factual.
Mm-hmm. , and that’s bullshit. , whatever they came to you with, that’s bullshit. But I’ll tell you what, nothing in this life happens for a reason you weren’t supposed to be there. And who knows what, what they might call Joe Osteen and his wife in the future, right? Because oftentimes we don’t see them work acting godly.
But that’s another show, right? , that’s another show. And more importantly, what would Jesus say? Jesus will probably let you through the Pearl gates quicker than they, than will let them through the pearl gates. And that’s just my 2 cents.
De’Vannon: Hallelujah. [00:44:00] Tabernacle and praise on that. Well, that’s all I’m gonna say.
I appreciate your, your kind words and when I was researching you, this word grooming kept coming up. Yes. , what does it mean in the sense of children or, or grooming that this, what is this Grooming?
Dr. Smith: Yes, grooming is such a powerful word. The horrible thing is that a or a offender or a predator, most of the time a predator will groom a family, meaning that they will gain your trust and that trust will can span years, right?
Because one thing about offenders is they, they wait, they wait to build the trust between the parents so that the parents releases the child to the predator or the offender’s care. So they can isolate and withdraw that child so that the grooming process can start. And [00:45:00] that basically means give the child to trust them, give the child gifts, give the child’s praise, attention, affection so that the molestation and the penetration can happen.
And so basically what happens over time, and it can take days, weeks, months, is that that family trust, that predator or offender, they bring wine to the family functions, okay? They’re usually in the house. The parents trust them. And so when that predator says, let me pick your child up from soccer practice.
Let me pick your child up from basketball practice. Let me pick your child up from Girl Scouts there. There’s the trust. The parent trusts them. That child’s in the car. And so that predator or that offender will use touch or they’ll expose them to child pornography or naked pictures of themselves. [00:46:00]And if that child doesn’t know what to do, that offender or predator will go a little bit further.
So they might touch just above the dress, just up the skirt. And if that child says nothing, then that predator or offender knows they can go a little bit farther by touching the butt. And each time they may give candy because the gifts are usually cheap. They might give kisses. They might buy a new pair of shoes or a new toy to get access to the body, and they will wait, wait.
And the more that child doesn’t fight, the further they will go the next time. You’re talking about? Yes. That’s grooming. Hmm. That’s grooming.
De’Vannon: So grooming is like hunting. This is like, yes. An intentional, perfect word. This is a hunt, , [00:47:00]
Dr. Smith: pray. They’re looking for their prey. They’re looking for the weakness in the family unit, and they’re looking for the opportunity to isolate the child.
Yes. Predators. No. Pray. Yes. They’re looking for an entry point study. Long study wrong.
De’Vannon: Do you think that these predators. are probably looking for like either weak-minded parents
Dr. Smith: or Absolutely. Or a parent that just has too much to do. We have, we come, our culture has parents out of the house, long hours at a time.
Children come home sometimes to empty houses and they’re governing themselves. I was a latchkey kid. My parents, my mom didn’t get home till at, well after five o’clock. Sometimes she left the house to go to work when I was getting home. So we had no [00:48:00] one there at night. This happens often, often, okay. Or that grandma might leave this child with their, that grandma might leave this child with the offender in the house.
It might be a sibling, right. It might be a a a uncle. Right. And they might be le a babysitter. Babysitters oftentimes. And people think that because they’re little boys and the babysit, if the babysitter is allowing, is having sex with your 10 year old, that’s sex offending, that’s criminal, that’s a felony.
Doesn’t matter that he’s a little boy. It matters. Is it criminal?
De’Vannon: Good lord. My mind is [00:49:00] just like spinning. So let, let me, let me take us back to the church. What is your opinion on the Catholic Church and these altar boys and the way they molest them? So,
Dr. Smith: snap, these are Survivor. This the Survivor Network Network of those assaulted by Priests is a huge network that’s online.
You can find it. Okay. What is my take about it? The, the Catholic Church, not just the bishops, but the community. There are communities of older adults who were sexually sodomized, okay. Sodomized by priests and nuns. It’s in my book, okay? It’s in my book, that it was sanctioned by the community, meaning that the bishops didn’t automatically move a priest.
They kept what they called pedophile files. The same thing [00:50:00] happened with the Boy Scouts of America. They kept the files and they moved the priest around. So community members and their children knew these priests had absolutely no right, but they left them in place, and when the complaints got big enough, then they would move them to another parish and allow it to happen again.
And so if we start holding people who knew accountable authority people or people in authority who knew and did nothing, if we start including them in the lawsuits, then we would see this diminish that you can’t move predators around you because you leave a new group of people vulnerable to these assaults.
So that’s what I think about it. I think they should be jailed. I think that if they’re not jailed, they should get [00:51:00] rehabilitation. Because listen, When you sexually assault a child, you don’t get a lot of time. It’s only recently they started getting time. Some people got 90 days, some people were out in a year, and then they went and got jobs someplace else.
Okay? There are some people who serve absolutely no time at all. Sandusky, who ran, who who, who brought that scandal to Penn State. He had a whole foundation centered around his predation and what happened as a result, he got, he, he, of course, he’s in jail for the rest of his life, but in comparison to the number of kids he’s sexually assaulted, he got a year per kid, right?
When we look at some of the major cases, there are people, institutions that know. That’s why I said this theory is not just for the victim or the predator or the offender, it’s also for the institution. How many schools have [00:52:00] moved around a predator? . Okay. Colleges. I mean, the thing about NDAs is that you hide the fact that this conversation, it’s the suppression of information.
This conversation cannot be had by the people involved, and so nobody knows about it. That institution doesn’t get a smirk on their record. There’s no issues with their reputation, and nobody knows about it. So that person gets moved to another university because if there’s an nda, that means that they can’t talk about it when they’re providing a reference.
Okay? We engage in a lot of NDAs, and so this is what gets my hackles up because there are so, so many law enforcement agents who are like on college campuses, I am not going to pursue this cuz I don’t wanna [00:53:00] mess up this boy’s. Career. And so that boy gets a slap on the back and he gets to go on with his life again.
When I go back to sexual identity, he gets to use those same techniques someplace else. Because if you are not punished, how does your behavior decrease or decline? Right? That’s a basic psychological principle. A rewarded behavior will reoccur. So if you don’t go to jail and there’s no consequence for your actions, why wouldn’t it reoccur?
We’ve just rewarded you. So that’s what I think about not just priest, but nuns. who also engaged in this practice in Catholic schools and Boy Scouts. If you were ever in Boy Scouts and many of these other organizations like Coaches , the University of Michigan and the US Olympics. [00:54:00] I can go on with this.
NDAs lead to information suppression. Is
De’Vannon: there anything like that in the I want, I’m gonna, that is after the interview is over, I’m gonna probably have me like, I don’t know, a glass of vodka or something to help this all. Like, settle down. I didn’t know much of what you’re telling me today. Now let, let, let’s talk about this elder abuse in Florida because this shit here y’all, when I think about elder abuse, I was thinking maybe they were taunting them in some sort of menacing way or hitting them.
I, it never crossed my mind that somebody would be doing something sexual to some incapacitated elderly person. What in the fuck ?
Dr. Smith: It happens at a, on a great scale. So here in Florida, we have a lot of [00:55:00] assisted living facilities in those assisted living facilities. You can have people who can walk those who can’t.
But the thing about assisted living facilities is that families often stop visiting, right? So that patient might not have anybody who comes to visit them in six months. Maybe one person will come once a year, and so a predator or an offender may see that as an opportunity. And if that, , if that elderly client is off, often uses me medication that keeps them in a comatose state, they are often victimized.
And it’s, and, and it happens. We know of people in comas who end up pregnant, but when we talk about elder abuse, we’re talking about let’s, let’s say that, that a client has aphasia. Aphasia means, which is exactly [00:56:00] what came, ha, came out with Bruce Willis today. Aphasia means that they have trouble speaking and if you can’t understand them and someone has sexually assaulted them, they can’t tell you what happened, right, because you don’t understand them.
Right? There are some people who can speak, but usually stroke patients, they can’t speak very. . Okay. So they can’t tell you that something has happened to them, right? And so that person visits them when, no, when the staff is small and people aren’t really around and paying attention, or when they’re supposed to be doing something, they have access, right?
Not only do they have access, but they can isolate by simply closing the door, right? By simply closing the door when there’s not a lot of staff around to see what they’re up to. And so that can happen with just fondling and molesting them while they’re taking them to different services, like getting an [00:57:00] M R I or things like that.
And that’s what we’re finding is taking place with elderly, right? So if it’s not penetration, it’s fondling and molestation, or it’s, like I said, penetration in actual sex.
De’Vannon: So if, so, if somebody in a coma ends up pregnant, what is the protocol? Do they then get the d n a test on every male staff member, or do they kind of sweep it under the rug?
I guess it varies
Dr. Smith: per place. They can absolutely get DNA n a evidence, right? Because if there, there shouldn’t be semen, right? They can get DNA n a evidence if it is happening frequently, because if it happened before, that doesn’t mean it’s gonna stop happening when this individual is pregnant. But more importantly they’re going to look at the, the people who have access [00:58:00] and then like I said, they’re going to see when and when this person had, where this person had access and for how long.
Right? And usually if they’re the only ones in a room, , right? There’s only a few people who are assigned to that individual. Mm-hmm. , right? And then it starts becoming investigation because if oftentimes there’s others, there’s others, right? And so you just start by eliminating the people that it couldn’t be, can’t be women, right?
However, the men, this, this, this client comes in contact with, but with elderly abuse, you’re not gonna find that, because of course they’re past the menopause, but there are lacerations, there might be marks. And that’s how they’re finding out about it. Can a
De’Vannon: woman give birth to a [00:59:00] kid if she’s still in a coma when the term is Oh yeah.
Dr. Smith: Absolutely. A reproductive cell. Her, her reproductive organs are still working and it has happened. It has happened.
De’Vannon: How in the fuck can you imagine waking up out of a coma with a kid? You be like, oh, hell no. Where the
Dr. Smith: fuck , I can’t, I can’t imagine being someone who’s coming in to check to see that and finding out that this woman came in and was not pregnant and now all of a sudden she is.
Yes. And d n a nowadays, you know, that’s e that’s easy to get now. Sweet Jesus.
De’Vannon: And so, exactly. All right, so the last thing we’re gonna talk about are like treatments. Before we talk about treatments for the victims, I wanna talk about treatments for the perpetrators because everybody’s gonna, yes, everybody’s gonna take their tiki torches out and their goddamn machetes and wanna butcher them and [01:00:00] burn them at the cross.
I leave the judgment to y’all. I fear God, I gotta stand before him myself. I am not gonna be yet another voice in the crowd saying, burn him at the stake or her, because you hateful bastards got that covered. So, , , look, it gets on my nerves, you know, every time there’s a child molester here, I, when I, when I lived in an apartment, I got sick of getting those goddamn postcards with this dude’s face thing.
He’s a molester. I’m like, Nobody’s perfect. I’m not excusing what they did or allegedly did, but there’s got to be some recourse, some sort of help. You know, everybody can be redeemed, you know, if Jesus had a murder, murder and a thief hanging with him at, at Calvary Cal, you know, at Calvary, so, you know, at Calvary, so what hope that someone have, if they have molested a child or an adult or been been the perpetrator in a sexual situation, you know, they may feel guilty, they may beat themselves up, but [01:01:00] everybody can change.
I don’t care what’s going on. So what do you think?
Dr. Smith: Absolutely, absolutely. So we use several different techniques. The most severe that I believe and some Some pedophiles ask for, this is medical cra castration. But that doesn’t really solve the urge, right? That doesn’t really address the attraction, right?
Because there are those, what we call minor attracted persons. These are people who are attracted to minors. There’s that urge. Now there are those who don’t act on it. And so that’s not criminal, right? That attraction is still there, but how do we treat it? And we use what we call desensitization, right?
And so we desensitize them. We use cognitive behavioral therapy because now we have to deal with the cognitive loop. The thought loop [01:02:00] about this. And, and like I said, there are a large number of people who were sexually assaulted by someone at an early age, and they received pleasure. And so now that they’re older, I have had people tell me, you know, I married someone who looks just like the person who assaulted me, simply because sexually they’re.
Magnetized because they were so young. That was their first sexual experience. They equated it with an orgasm and it gave them pleasure. And so now they have this type and people call that a sickness, but it happens. There is somebody out there who’s gonna tell you, yes, Smith, this absolutely happens. I and, and there are those who have babies for their offend by their offenders.
And so cognitively we have to reduce or [01:03:00] we have to teach them to make new decisions about their offending. Right. And so not everyone who’s been sexually assaulted is a predator, an offender or will be, but there are those who are and can be. So we have to. The thought processes, the way in which they experience pleasure, the desensitization of that.
And that can be anything. Absolutely. Anything sensory. What do you smell? I smell the cologne. So anytime I smell that cologne, that cologne stimulates me in such a way, even though it’s destructive, even though it came outta trauma. Right. Or I hear certain music, certain words that he would say or she would say to me, those things have to be addressed.
And a lot of times they’re hidden in the sensory memory. That doesn’t come out during talk therapy. You have to do a series of sessions with that [01:04:00] individual to get to that which is stuck in the subconscious. And to get to that which is stuck in the subconscious, is outta your awareness. So you have to use certain techniques to do so.
De’Vannon: My my with a tangled, well, we weave.
Dr. Smith: Yes, it absolutely is.
De’Vannon: Well, what I’m excited about is whether somebody’s been a victim or they’ve been the perpetrator, there’s help available if you want it.
Dr. Smith: Absolutely right. Because we can reduce the urges so that that person is not a criminal. But for those who have not acted on these urges, how do we, how do we reduce that cognitive loop and that physiological response?
And there’s ways in which we can absolutely do that. Hmm.
De’Vannon: Hold on. Y’all help is on the way. Help is on the way. [01:05:00] So y’all, so y’all, Dr. Smith’s website is right to consent.com. You can find her on Facebook. The LinkedIn,
Dr. Smith: TikTok, Instagram, I’m everywhere.
De’Vannon: Okay, I’m here for the TikTok. Yes. And and I’ll put all this in the show notes and everything like that.
So thank you so much for this, for this, for this deep and troubling and moving it truthful information that you’ve given us today. I’m gonna have to have you back on. Okay. You can
Dr. Smith: anytime you need me. Yeah.
De’Vannon: Y’all, Dr. Smith’s gonna be a standing guest on the sex drugs in Jesus podcast because of what a oppressing issue this is.
I fear that it probably won’t be going away overnight, so I kind of wanna stay on top of this as new information develops. You know, we’re gonna be you know, in touch with you. So are there any last words [01:06:00] of advice or encouragement or whatever you’d like to say to the people out there?
Dr. Smith: Absolutely. If you have been sexually assaulted regardless of the age, or you are a parent and you wanna educate your children, the conversation is where you start having the conversation and communicating. There is absolutely so many different areas. YouTube has a lot of self-hypnosis for those who’ve been sexually assaulted.
But more importantly, you know it was not your fault and that self-care is so, so vital in the way you move past the trauma that you’ve experienced or that your child may have experienced, or if you’re trying to keep your children safe. So thank you so much. I am so grateful for the opportunity to talk to you, and I just asked that if you come across someone who has been sexually assaulted, the only thing you can say is, I believe you, and how can I help you?[01:07:00]
De’Vannon: and that’s the T right there. Y’all look, look forward, look, look, look out for Dr. Smith being back on our show Again, thank you so much for expressing all that you have expressed today. God bless you. Thank you.
Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. It really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at Sex Drugs in jesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at Davanon Sex Drugs and jesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.
My name is Davanon, and it’s been wonderful being your host today. And just remember that everything is gonna be all right.
