Bonus Episode: Solo Dolo – What Dreams May Come



In this bonus episode I read four dreams I had in the early morning hours of May 4th2023 and go over the interpretation. 


INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):


·      Dream Revelation

·      Dream Interpretation

















·      Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse & Codependency Support Groups (Virtual) –

·      COSA – 12 Step Recovery For Victims Of Compulsive Sexual Behavior –

·      A Recommended Reading To Help Heal From Narcissism –

·      Sex Addicts Anonymous: HTTPS://WWW.SAA.ORG


·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)



·      OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)


·      Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)


·      Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin



·      Upwork:

·      FreeUp:




·      Disabled American Veterans (DAV):

·      American Legion:


·      What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick):





·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.





De’Vannon: [00:00:00] Hello everyone and welcome to the Sex Drugs in Jesus podcast. I’m your Hoston and I’m here with another bonus episode for you called What Dreams May Come Now. The book of Jeremiah, let me see, chapter 23 and verse eight, I’m sorry. Chapter 23 and verse 28 says, the prophet that has a dream, let him tell a dream.

And he, that has my word. Let him speak my word faithfully. And so I had a dream. Early this morning, and this is the 4th of May in the year 2023. And I wanted to read this dream to you and, and kind of go through it. I’m here in Port Bay right now and have, you’ve been following me on social media. You know, I’ve been doing hella drugs, [00:01:00] you know, I started with Ayaka, I moved over to some L S D this weekend I’m scheduled to do me, you know, little something different, you know, that would.

You know, that we’ll be talking about, you know, all in an attempt to try to heal myself or to, you know, to, to get healed. Totally invited God into all of this. From, from not just a breakup, from, from Ethan. My, my former boyfriend, the covert narcissist who you know, who I found out on Christmas morning was running around with all these men cheating when he had covid, didn’t care who he was out there killing or whatever.

But as my hypnotherapist, Elaine Perils was explaining this experience with, with Ethan, with the ex, you know, has cleansed me of all the narcissists that have ever impacted me in my life. And I, I went back and started counting ’em. We’re working on at least like seven. These are not all people I’ve dated.

You know, you’re talking siblings, parents, [00:02:00] you know, different people I’ve worked with, and both of my parents are not narcissists, just my dad. And hell, it is what it is. And so, and so I’ve posted you know, a blog about this. I’ve put resources on there. There’s meetup groups, there’s different groups online if you’ve been affected by a sex addict you know, at everything like that.

And so, at any rate, I’m gonna read this dream from my dream journal and we’ll go back and kind of. Talk through it. I know I’m not the only person God speaks to and dreams, and I want y’all to know that you’re not crazy. You don’t have a hurt mind. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you see things in your sleep, if you have waking visions, you know you can go on the website onto the internet.

I recommend the website called dream That’s Dream To help you sort through the interpretation of these things. You can always reach out to me through my website, sex Drugs, and, and I can help you try to find. The meaning of what it is you’ve been shown. Let [00:03:00] us not discount our dreams as the Lord speaks to us in various ways.

For me, it’s a whole lot of dreams, but I know a lot of people dream too because I’ve talked about it and many of you have told me. So let me get on right into this. So this morning as I lay in my bed in Mexico, I smelled a foul spirit. My dreams. I saw Ethan and it’s like maybe he was with a guy at a public event.

I entered the room and was part of this event’s a lineup. I was wearing all black and was singing the line from Taylor Swift’s song style, which says, so it goes, he can’t keep his wild eyes on the road. As I sing this, it’s like I glanced with minimal effort to look over at Ethan. What I’m thankful for is [00:04:00] that my emotions remain level and calm.

This was done and stated more in a matter of fact way, and I felt a sense of acceptance for the current state of things. The next paragraph, Because I had about, I had about three, four dreams, you know, you know, in rapid succession. This morning, you know, in this same morning I saw myself in like an optometrist or some other type of doctor’s office.

I heard my name called the first time, and I believe I went into, into speak, speak to someone. My name was called again and no assistance came. I felt like they were playing a game with me. As I stood in the hall, there were two halls on two separate sides of this doctor’s office building. As I stood in the left side, I [00:05:00] hollered out loud enough for both sides to hear me asking who called davanon?

It’s like I wasn’t going to be played with Kip. Next paragraph, I think. I think in this same office there was an older lady reading a newspaper and waiting with her older husband who seemed to be disabled. Like he wasn’t moving or talking. I think the lady who plays Tina Turner’s mother in, in the movie What’s Love Got to do with It, with a Worker there and came out.

And asked this old lady a question. She questioned the lady in a complicated way and the old lady responded the best she could and stayed calm. The worker, the lady who plays Tina Turner’s mother, and what’s love got to do with it, [00:06:00] told this older woman that the older woman’s response was complicated and did not have to be.

After this woman who plays Tina Turner’s mother left us, the older woman who was hanging out with her older, even even older husband, she turned to me and said that, said that she didn’t feel that she had been complicated. She didn’t feel that she had complicated that conversation, that I confirmed that she had not.

Tina Tina’s mom had projected her complicated nature onto this older lady because she thought this older lady was a weak in feeble and that she could get away with doing it. Skip a paragraph. In the same morning I saw like I was running late. For returning to a class or group of some sort. I was called [00:07:00] to come along with some, some of the other rebels who weren’t exactly back on time.

But once we got to the door, I stood in front of the reception podium. They did not tell us what to do nor bring us into the room. I stood for a little bit then, then I broke ranks in in order to challenge them on playing with us like that. I’m happy to see that I am no longer willing to let anyone play games with me.

So, and then these conclude the dreams that I recorded from this morning. And I’m really, really praying that the Lord begins to open many of y’all’s third eyes. You know your eyes so you can see what’s, what’s what’s happening to you like in a spiritual sense. The Lord speaks to us through dreams. So I pray and speak to y’all’s vision become open, and that the Lord speaks to you in unique ways, that you’re gonna know that it’s him because the Lord be speaking.

Just [00:08:00] gotta want to hear and see.

So, so Christianity, you know, in God comes from like the Middle East O over there. Like when you’re reading something in like the ancient languages Hebrew era make and different things like that. If something’s doubled, then that means that it’s like a sure thing. That’s why Jesus would say something like, verily, verily, truly, truly, I say unto you.

They don’t necessarily use the word very, a certain adverbs to emphasize something. If something’s emphasized, they might just say it back to back or twice. In the Bible when, when the Dreamer Joseph was interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, the one about the plagues that were going to hit, really the whole earth, you know, He Pharaoh had to dream about the, the cows and the corn.

The skinny cows come about. The Nile gobble up the fat [00:09:00] cows and the cows, the skinny cows, you know, are still just as skinny as they were before. Then you have the seven ears of corn. The, the, the blasted corns, the, you know, the, you know, the, the fucked up corn, you know, eats the good corn. And then they still, they look like they eat anything at all.

And so that’s how Joseph knew that Famine was coming to the land and he said, because the dream was double. That means the thing is, sure. Well, this here was four dreams. Okay, so, so this thing here is doubly sure and this, this all has to do with the process the Lord has been putting me through, with unraveling me from the power of narcissistic people in my life.

And I’m gonna tell y’all, I looked up statistics on narcissism, and I’m not even gonna bother to tell you the bullshit because. The numbers are not high enough. There’s far too many people. I was just talking to a lady today, you know, I was out on a tour at like a timeshare thing and [00:10:00] you know, she, she had to break up with, with, with a narcissist.

It, they lay everywhere. They all over the fucking planet. I don’t see how anybody could have a kid and, and let them start in dating. And I teach them about narcissistic personality disorder. It’s, it’s just everywhere. And But God doesn’t God a process. You know, the Lord knew exactly who my ex was. That’s why he warned me against this in the beginning. But there was a process that, that, you know, in the beginning of the relationship. But there was a process that I still had to go through, and I’m happy that this has happened.

So I can share this with you. So, So the first line that I said was talking about smelling of foul spirit. A spirit, is that issue forth from Lucifer, from the devil, Satan, you know, whatever you wanna call him. I am going to be calling him Lucifer in a lot of [00:11:00] episodes moving forward because the, you know, you gotta name something what it is, and I really wanna drive home the personhood of the devil.

I know a lot of people don’t believe in hell. I don’t believe in the devil. Okay, that’s up to you. But you, but, but, but naming him for me reminds me that he is a sentient being with an individual will who likes to go out and hurt people. I. I view people with narcissistic personality disorder. We have this fancy term psychology has given them, I don’t know, care if you wanna call them, sociopaths, assigned to them, istic tendencies, whatever.

You know, spiritually speaking, they as is, are just evil period. Okay. Whatever the hell you want to call it. It’s just fucking evil. And So when you, but, but there is a way in the spirit, like you can smell like a demonic force that comes around you and it’s, it’s like a wave, you know, [00:12:00] comes over you, different things can be smelled.

You know, when Evangelist Nelson would, would preach in church, she could smell, you know, new life. To my knowledge, I’ve never smelled that before. But she could smell, you know, spiritually if like a woman was pregnant. You know, you can see in the spirit, you can sense in the spirit. You can taste in the spirit.

You can smell in the spirit. There’s a lot you can do in the spirit. And the Lord works in mysterious ways. So I smell this foul spirit. You and you got anything like that hanging around you. You gotta banish it and dismiss it, and it got to go. What I think it is, is I’m smelling that, that that demonic force, that possessed, or that is in possession of my ex, that was, that was controlling me through him and this whole time, and now that I’ve started to break away from him, that thing is acting up because it don’t want to turn me loose.

[00:13:00] While I’ve been here, not only have I been doing hallucinogenics to untie myself from Ethan, but also, but also there’s a, a lady who I’ve met who is super powerful, super helpful. I’m gonna be listing her information on my social media later on. You know, and she’s, and we, she and I started working together yesterday and consulting with the Seven Arc Angels, you know, and a few other things that Ethan and his demons won’t be able to stand against.

Okay. Because I realized that I was under a spiritual attack because I’ll be sitting down somewhere. Just doing whatever, you know, coloring, working on whatever, writing or whatever. And it’s like, it’s like there’s a dark force will, were used to walk up to me and try to make me sad about him. You know, sad about the relationship ending or sad about, you know, whatever, and try to make me think about, you know, who he’s with or what [00:14:00] he’s doing.

And I was like, Uhuh. You know, I’ve been happy all day. This is not something that’s on my mind like this. Like I could tell it was something walking up and trying to force me to not be happy. And I said, I’m glad about this in a way, because the devil cannot come and try to take away what you don’t have.

So Satan sees that I’m actually happy that I’ve been relieved and I’ve been free, and he’s not pleased about that. You know, but I could tell that I was actually under a psychic attack with this and I was like, oh hell no. You know, we, we got to change this. I was not the one sexually insecure in the relationship to begin with, you know?

And I was totally okay with us being open and working on that, you know? So whatever, you know, Ethan May or may not be doing didn’t bother me when we were together. It’s not gonna bother me now. You know, it was him with the issue, him with the insecurities, him with the secrecy, him with the line. I’m like, I’m not about to be bothered about this now.

You know? It’s not gonna happen that way. I got my own life to live [00:15:00] and so, and so, I’ve been really, really battling this and so I, I smell this falmer, and if you ever smell a devil, you gonna know it’s like, It just is like, it just like wraps around you and it doesn’t, it smells, it just smells like decay.

Not like any, it does, it doesn’t smell like a rotten egg or anything like that. It just, it stands out and it’s just like, it, it is almost like a premonition type of feeling where it just takes your mind away from the conscious moment. Mm-hmm. And and so, so when you’re in the dream space, understanding works, you know, works differently.

You know why? So in my dreams, I saw, you know, my ex with another guy. These are the things people tend to worry about. You know, Ethan projected his fear and anxiety on me, and I took that shit on, and I should not have. When you’re in a relationship with somebody, you can take on their characteristics, [00:16:00] oh, and they can seep into you over time.

Especially if you’re having unprotected sex, there are spiritual qualities that come along with like say, vaginal fluids, semen blood, sweat, urine, your hair, your skin cells, D n A, and different things like that. You know, whether you wanna believe it or not, but I’m gonna tell you, you know, witchcraft and things like that are real.

If you let somebody get a hold of anything that has your particular d n A in it, fingernails, eyelashes, anything like that, your tears, anything that’s just unique to you. Honey, they can cast a spell on you and do a work on you that you’re not gonna be able to get out of unless you filled with the Holy Ghost.

Or unless you know somebody who is, who cares that to struggle and fight that battle, you know, on your behalf because you don’t have a time getting away from those people. You know, because the, the, these things carry our essence. You know, I know people go around squirting com all over [00:17:00] the place, you know, and sucking it up and swallowing up.

Like it’s just, you know, 10 cents a, you know, a gallon or whatever the case may be. But from the beginning it was not. So, you know,

and so when you’re in a relationship with somebody and you’re constantly coming, coming, exposed to things that carry their essence, that’s another way that you take on. Them. And if you think sex is just a physical act, you fooling yourself. I don’t care if you know the person or not. Every time you cross ORs with somebody or spirit spiritually, you get that.

You get that close to somebody. You take on a bit of them every time. This is a huge reason why highly promiscuous people are not happy, because they’re super confused energetically. I just met somebody down here the other day trying the bone and no, I didn’t let him. You know who, who has a husband, who has kids who was just suicidal a few months ago, who has all these things and [00:18:00] has had so much sex there in Puerto Erta.

He’s almost sick of it. And yet he has that neurological path in his head that he can’t get out of it, you know? And I said, no, and I haven’t gone through all, I’ve been through. Could just have cheap sex with people, you know? And now I didn’t meet him on an app or anything like that, you know, sex flows in the streets here in Port Bay.

Just expected. And I, and I’m like, I’m not doing it. But so, so why was Ethan at a public event? Mm-hmm. You know, he never really was the type to, to, to, to go out in public anywhere we went, you know, was my idea. Now look, not everything within the dream space. Is going to necessarily carry, meaning some things are just like fillers. Sometimes we don’t have a dream and it’s just a play dream.

So you’re gonna have to kind of sense could be public because that’s all the exposure that has come to this rela to our, to our former relationship. I don’t know. I [00:19:00] haven’t had time to really look up the exact meaning of why I was wearing all black, but I know that it has to do with, you know, deep consciousness and things like that.

Also, spiritually speaking, working with the color black is not necessarily evil. Black has a tendency, especially when you use it in like candles and things like that to consume evil, you know, so the color black is actually a powerful color to help to protect you. You know, not, not like, not, not necessarily like how Hollywood would portray it.

Black is not bad. Now why was I singing Taylor Swift? Because the, the bitch is bad. You know, I, I mean, I like her. I didn’t really pay too much attention to her until after all of this, you know, stuff happened here. Now when I go back and listen to songs, they make more sense, you know? I’ve been jamming the hell outta Miley Tyrus as flowers.

Yes, baby. Today I bought myself some flowers. I had myself a nice sunset dinner out on the beach. Yes. And I [00:20:00] got my fucking life. And I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel lonely. I miss my ex. I was fucking happy and all, all I sensed was peace. Peace that I hadn’t had in five years. That that’s what I sensed, you know.

So that line from Taylor Swift’s song style when she says, so it goes, he can’t keep his wild eyes on the road. I mean, I mean, I mean that, that is why our relationship ended was because, you know, because my ex could not control his sex addiction and his in his promiscuity period. Why, you know, then I look over at him, you know, in the dream with minimal effort, you know, it used to You know, all of this used to upset me, and this doesn’t anymore.

You know, I, I’ve, I’ve learned to, I mean, I’ve forgiven him. I mean, I had a dream the other week and the, and the spirit was telling me, you know, I have to, you know, it’s time to move on. You know, I had a dream the other day about like how I was loading dishes and a dishwasher. A huge [00:21:00]dishwasher larger than anyone I’ve ever dealt with.

And in the dream world, when you dream about, you know, washing dishes, that’s, that’s, that’s you moving on to a new phase. That, that’s what that means. So, so the spirit keeps telling me to just move on and to move forward and to move forward. The, the reading I had yesterday with my, with the Shaman, the girl, the, the Lil D who consults with the seven Arc angels, you know, she was one of the assistant shamans at the ayahuasca ceremony that I went to, you know, and that’s what came up on the cards.

I think those were tarot cards, you know, that she had showed me. I have Another reading with her tomorrow to follow up with this. And it was all about forgiveness. Opening my heart, letting go of the past, being present in the moment and not worrying about none of the nonsense that, that, that Ethan did, or more to the point that the devil did through him.

Cause I’m gonna tell you something about narcissistic people, narcissistic personality disorder, whatever the hell you want to call it. Them [00:22:00] people like I’m a light worker. I work with light. I’m a very empathetic person. Narcissistic people are dark workers. If you have light workers, you have dark workers.

I need y’all to learn that and to just accept it and understand it, cuz it is what it is. It’s time for us to stop being naive, you know, and open up our eyes to the truth of the way that the world works and what goes on in it. These people are conduits of the devil. Their nexus points for, for, for, for all.

That is evil. Satan was the first dark worker. He was the first arrogant one, the first narcissist, and the first person to think themselves so high, you know, is to think that they could overthrow God. And you imagine, you mean as mad as I was about Ethan running around with these men and looking me in the face every day and not telling me, Can you imagine how God felt, even though he knows everything, he still has feelings.

I tell y’all this all the time. Talk to God like a hu, like he has feelings. Not just somebody you want to get [00:23:00] shit from all the time. Ask him how his days going, you know, and things like that. Make it personal, but can you imagine, you know, Lucifer rallying the angels together to try to overthrow, you know, you know heaven, and then coming to serve God and his presence and smiling like he wasn’t doing that.

And just to be clear, the devil is not God’s equal. If you were to try to rank something, he might be the art angel saying, Michael equal, but there is no debating with God. You know, in the Bible we see the devil arguing with Michael over the body of Moses. I think that has something to do with an ancient Hebrew tradition.

But there is no devil trying to, to argue with God. Now, we see the devil asking God’s permission for things like in the Book of Job, but, but there is no debating with God. And so, but, but, and then Jesus calls Lucifer, the father of lies, narcissistic people. [00:24:00] Are also people who don’t mind lying. So when they go forth in their strength and their evil strength, these people are, are perfect conduits for, for Lucifer himself.

Anybody who can tell a lie and be totally okay with it are in league with the devil, and that is all the the is to it. Okay. I look at them like Emperor P Team from Star Wars. You know what it is? May the fourth. May the, may the fourth be with you. And tomorrow we gonna have some revenge of the fifth Hall, Lou.

But you know, you know, when I look at movies and things like that, I don’t just look at it for entertainment. I wanna talk about what it means. What is God saying to us here? Can we get a little bit more out of it than entertainment and popcorn people? Please? Can we take it a step further? So let us examine emperor pa.

This feeble looking fucking old man. Somebody who you would not think was a ringleader of all that is evil in the galaxy. Okay? Somewhere along he was a politician, a senator, and all that shit. [00:25:00] Somewhere along the way he met, I think it was a Darth Plaus, was his master who taught him the ways of the dark side.

After Tine got tired of his ass, he cut him down and his sleep one night and then move the hell on, and we see him do this. Accountant DKU was his apprentice and he used him till, till he found Anakin and then he had Anakin chop his head off, you know, and he just moved on to the next. That’s how narcissists are.

They just go on to the next, they go on to the next, they go on to the next. And speaking of going on to the next, y’all, when y’all break up with these narcissists, they will move on quickly to, to another person. It is not about you. Narcissistic people will always move on quickly for two reasons at least.

One cause they never fully showed up to your relationship anyway. You know, two, they, they were never invested in it like you were. It would be coldhearted and in, in a state of denialism for me to not act like I wasn’t impacted by, you [00:26:00] know, the five year relationship or it ending and just, you know, to already just, you know, just be moved on.

But a narcissist will, you know, I’ve heard y’all tell me. You know, you broke up with somebody and then you see them out with somebody else or whatever, and it hurts you. That ain’t got nothing to do with you. There’s nothing more you could have done. It’s a reflection of them and how fake that they can be.

Cuz narcissists have masks and things like that. They know how to just pull a different mask out, tuck their feelings away and act like they weren’t there and they may not have been there, who the hell knows, and then they just shuffle on down the road. That ain’t nothing to do with you. That, that, that, that’s just a testament to just how shallow they are and how unwilling to face, face themselves that they, that they are.

So the sy like, like tine, how he really looked was how he looked when. Mace wind redirected the forest. Lightning [00:27:00] at him and burned him. He didn’t really burn him. Okay. When you read the books and get into like the Cannon and Star Wars lore, the Maca Mace window with a Black Jedi, he was bald. He had a purple lightsaber.

And y’all, have y’all ever seen me play a Jedi in a movie? Yes. And bitch, I won a motherfucking purple lightsaber. And I wanted to have motherfucking zebra handle with motherfucking diamond shit around the fucking handle. Yes. Give me the motherfucking purple lifesaver bitch. Yes. Okay. Ab fucking lly. And and so and so, it makes the wind is strong enough to redirect the force lightning.

And the force lightning is electricity that comes out of the emperor’s hands. You know, back at his ass. He didn’t actually hurt him. What he did was burn off the mask that Emperor Tine had on because the CTH had the ability to use the force to create a [00:28:00] mask. So when, so when the tine was running around there being friendly with yo and OB one and attending like GaN Gin’s funeral though he was laughing and ha happy that Darth Mall had cut him down.

You know, he was just being a fake ass bitch at the whole damn time for all of those years. And it wasn’t until Mace Wendy redirected that mask that it burned off and we could see the regular STH yellow eyes and everything like that. Yes, Papa lied and said that he was injured in the vicious attack by the Jedi, when really it was him.

Well, I wonder who could tell a lie like that. Oh, I know a narcissist. So, you know, he just spun his own version of reality. And everybody believed him and so and so, so the galaxy went into, into darkness for, I think 20 years until Luke, you know, was strong enough to, to do something about it. So I look at every narcissist, like another motherfucking tine.

They, they look like, [00:29:00] at least in the covert narcissist case, they look, they look like these fever, little unassuming people who really sitting there smiling and smiling in your face while they’re plotting against you the whole time until you know, until all the shit comes out. And you imagine how Yoda and Obi one Kenobi felt dealing with this damn dude.

I mean, thisor did the most, he would hire people to come try to assassinate him, quote unquote, so he could pretend to be weak and make, and, and have the Jedi come and rescue him from the assassin he sent just to play this whole game with him or to distract them. I wonder who could play a game with somebody in order to I don’t know, just fucking be entertained and narcissist can, so as they say in that Sullivan King song, someone else, you know, the games that you play are just sickening.

You know, that’s my favorite line from that song. The games that you played, just sickening. As, as Jenin as the Gin Blossom said in their song, [00:30:00] found out about you. You know, the things you said and did to me seemed to come so easily. The love I thought I won. You gave for free. You know, I. You would think that if somebody really, really loved you or liked you would be a little bit harder for them to twist your mind and play games with you, but not for a narcissist.

You think it’d be a little bit harder for somebody to go out and sleep with people they barely know, but not for a narcissistic sex addict. These things are par for the course with them. They can go out and do all those things and come home and have a bowl of cereal like they ain’t done shit wrong and go on about their life.

I love that I was singing in this dream, cuz whenever you hear, you know, Concord music and song, it’s, it’s healing. Whenever you hear music and your dream is healing, unless it the music is fucked up, then you got some issues on your hand. So I took this microphone, honey, I walked up on that stage. I barely glanced over, you know, at my ex and whatever he was there with.

[00:31:00] And I gave him to zero fucks. And I went on about my performance and it was simple as that.

Now, why was I in an optometrist office? This has to do with my opening vision and how I’m starting to see things more clearly. And I’m happy, you know, and I was standing in the, in the middle of two halls. You know, when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they pull you in two different directions.

You don’t know whether you come in or going. Okay, are you up here or you back there? You don’t know. But what I’m, what I’m proud of and thankful for is I was having none of this shit no more. You know, they called me then they didn’t say any damn thing and I was like, who the fuck called my name? Nah, we’re not having this.

You all gonna either do some shit or I’m leav, you know, it is going be one way or the other, but I’m gonna go sit here and be in this purgatory or this limbo. Okay? A narcissist will have you neither here nor there because they are neither here nor there. They don’t want to be here nor there. One thing with, you know, with my ex, the way the devil had [00:32:00] him, and, and I, I would imagine still has him, you know, he did not like, I would say, you need to either be black or white, hot or cold in or out.

That was too much. He considered it to be a restriction when really he liked, he liked the gray area so that he can manipulate. But it was a Lord himself who said that you gotta need to be hot or cold, and if you’re lukewarm, he’s gonna spit you out. He said, A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

He said, let your yes be yes and your no be no anything more that comes of evil. And so I. This whole two hallway thing where somebody called me and they don’t, nobody’s answering. See that? That’s a game playing. You call me, you know what you did, and now why the fuck you not saying nothing else? Nope. I’m happy that I started standing up for myself, you know, in this, you know, in this dream I.

Now in this same office, you got this old lady reading the newspaper and her much, her much older husband sitting [00:33:00] there in need of her assistance. Now why the mother of the, the person who of Tina Turner from What’s Love Got to do with it? So if y’all are not familiar with Tina Turner’s story, Angela Bassett plays Tina Turner and the movie, what’s Love got to do with it?

Okay, if you break up with a, with somebody who’s physically abusive, verbally abusive, narcissistically abusive, You know, I’ll recommend three movies for you. A Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Yes. A Diary of a Mad Black Woman Waiting to Exhale. And what’s the love got to do with it? Them are your three movies.

I don’t recommend you to Burn. They shit up. Well, you know what I. You do whatever you need to do. That’s what I’m gonna say and pray about it because sometimes the bitches have it coming. But be smart about it. Don’t go to jail. Be sure you somewhere where you can do that shit. Not, not get in trouble, but sometimes they shit do need to get torched.

But be smart about it. Be sure that you’re not get in a damn trouble. [00:34:00] But and definitely get rid of all this shit one way or another cuz they can’t be leaving with no spoils. Oh hell no, hell no. So in it, but, but in what’s Love got to do with it? So, anime Bullock is Tina Turner’s real name in real life.

Her stage name is Tina Turner. She’s from the country. Her mother in this movie is a very manipulative woman, totally fucking narcissistic as is Ike Turner. You know, Tina Turner’s husband. Ike Turner is beating the fuck outta Tina and everything like that. And her mama is like literally telling Ike Turner her, where the fuck to go find, you know, she find Tina, she sold her own daughter out when she tried to get away from Ike.

I know far too many people who tried to leave Narcissist and then they go back. You know, I left Ethan once, you know, for three weeks, and then I went back. I didn’t know he was a fucking narcissist and, and there was a name for the shit that I was observing. But once I realized that I piece the D, fuck out.

But, but some people don’t do that. You know, they have [00:35:00] kids, you have all these business interests, but honey, when you’re with a narcissist, this is literally life or death. I have known of them to like shoot the, their significant other, the people are unstable and whether they’re gonna shoot you at point blank range like happened with this one lady, or they’re just gonna kill you slowly and siphon the life force out of you.

Like what my ex did to me is still a death sentence. I mean, Damn. You know, I was thinking about, you know, Dexter the other day that you know that that hot ass serial killer from Jo Time, I think he showed more compassion and balance thinking than a narcissist because he just killed the people. You know, a narcissist will dangle you like a fucking rat in front of a cat and let them just slice you and cut you down and shit, and just not really quite let you die because they get off on the fucking torture again.

The games that they play are just sickening.

So Tina Turner’s mom represents a manipulative force. [00:36:00] Somebody who don’t wanna embrace the truth, somebody who seeks advantages for themselves, you know, you know, you’d have to watch the movie, the full sense of just how fucked up this woman was. And so for her to present in this dream is somebody who wants to come out.

And you’ve seen this before, maybe you dealt with this type of Karen or whatever, where you would just be having a regular conversation and the bitch finds a way to make shit all complicated and then gonna turn around and act like you’re the one who complicated it. Ethan did this all the time, you know, would project his confusion and shit, you know, onto me and everything like that.

In hypnotherapy, we call these dreams. Like what? I had an early morning dream and what happens is you, besides, besides it being God speaking, you invent, you’re venting out problems. So me seeing this is, is that pain and that consternation that he put into me, leaving me and going back to his ass and going back to the pits of hell from when it came.

Because, [00:37:00] excuse me, because from the beginning I was not so, I don’t argue with people. I don’t have fights. I don’t do that. He was the only person in my life I ever raised my voice with. And after I would argue with him, he would have this sixth sense of satisfaction that would come over his face cuz he got off on the shit and I would feel so unhuman, you know?

And so unlike myself and just feel dirty and filthy because I came, I’m arguing, why the fuck am I arguing? I’m healthy. You know, I can walk across the room. I can go to the bathroom and pee by myself. I can take a shit. I can fucking go to school if I want to. I can learn. I can go out in the sun. I can feed myself.

I don’t have to eat through a goddamn tube. If I got a car, I got healthy cats. I got a house, you know, I can travel. I got a million things going on right in my life. Why in the fuck would I be having an argument with somebody over what you know? The only time you are gonna have an argument is when you lose perspective and you are not a thankful person because we have a lot [00:38:00] that God has done for us.

And so for me to be in a point that I let my vibration get low enough to stoop to his level, all that did was hurt me. And I hated doing that, but I’m so thankful that I don’t do that anymore. Now he’s gone. There’s nobody to argue with now that he’s gonna have total fucking peace. That’s suddenly when the sun makes you free, you are free indeed.

And Jesus has set me free from darkness. I didn’t realize I was the in. And so this has been vented out because you know, Tina Turner’s mom wanted to tell this fever old lady that she was the one with the prong, but when really it was Tina’s, Tina’s mom who came out there with the issue and you know, Why a fever old lady?

Because narcissists view the people who they prey on as a weaker than them. They view them as somebody they can take advantage of because you’re not gonna see two narcissists in a relationship. It’s not gonna work. Mm-hmm. Because they’re always calculating and seeing, they, they, they look for empathetic, nice people.

They feel like they can get [00:39:00] over on. If they can’t do that, they’re not gonna be hanging around long. Okay. But, but the Bible says that, In our weakness, God’s strength is made perfect and that the Lord will take the weak things of the world and confound the supposed strong things of the world and talking to foolish people.

The Lord said that professing themselves become to become wise. They became fools. You know, my message to narcissists out there while you, while you think you’re laughing at us, people who are nice enough for you to steal from siphon energy off of, take advantage of and all of that. You know, while you sitting there laughing at us, God and the devil are both laughing at you.

God is laughing at you because he sees that your payback is coming and the devil is laughing at you because he’s made you foolish enough to be like him, which is what got him kicked out of heaven. And he knows that you’re going to end up with him when you die too, because you’re not gonna be able to take advantage of people in this life and mess over them and think that you’re gonna part this plane of existence and have a [00:40:00] peaceful afterlife whether you believe in hell or not.

You are not going to have a peaceful afterlife if you fuck over people in your current life. It don’t go that way. It does not go that way.

Let me sing. So when these people come trying to project their evil on you and their chaos, look at it spiritually. These people are filled with all kinds of demons and devils and negative energies and negative forces that they do not have in check. Those things have full controls of them, and they’re gonna tell you, you know, my ex used to tell me that I was controlling.

And I said, how That doesn’t make sense. I’m usually like submissive and things like that, you know, in a relationship. So how, how would I be controlling that, that that would throw off the whole kink for me? That was just one of the dumbest things he ever said. And then, He said a lot of dumb shit because narcist, the things they say don’t have to make sense.

It just has to serve them in the [00:41:00] moment. Look at Trump on TV from, or fucking damn they’re any Republican at this point. From one sentence to the next. You know, this is, this is this, this, this, this, this shit. Don’t even balance out because, because they just saying whatever the fuck in the moment. That’s exactly how fucking narcissist is.

You know, Ethan would call me controlling. When we went to counseling, I’d be like, okay, tell me exactly when I was controlling and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just feeding into the energy. You don’t, don’t ever engage a narcissist cause that’s what they want you to do. They saying that crazy shit that they know is bullshit just to get more energy outta you.

He couldn’t answer the question, you know, hollering all up and down the street in New Orleans, you know, calling me controlling out of nowhere and, and get in front of a counselor and can’t even much render a reason. You know, for the hate, the raise, the resentment. You know, if that ain’t bullshit, I don’t know what is, you know, but this is how narcissistic people work because their brains are not developed in terms of rationale [00:42:00] and empathy.

That part didn’t grow. I don’t, it’s not there. It’s not even dad, just don’t exist in them. I’m trying to get empathy. In love out of a narcissistic person. It’s like trying to ask a two year old to understand astrophysics. Okay? You, you come to, to a two year old or a one-year-old with some complex calculus equation or some shit, they’re just gonna blink their eyes.

It stare at you like they don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. A narcissist is no different because they’re basically like a two year old. It’s trapped in an adult’s body that never grew. That’s why you’ll see them pout and throw their hands up and down and stump across the room, you know, with a heavy foot stumping and things like that.

And they follow you. You follow behind you. I can’t tell you how many times Ethan stepped on my goddamn hills, you know, and I’m trying to get him to walk next to me. He was always walking behind me, you know? And of course then wanted to complain that he wasn’t an equal in a relationship. Well, I don’t know what else I can do.

You know, I’ve done everything I can to, to show you that I considered you an equal, but if you don’t [00:43:00] accept it, then there’s not, not nothing do. You know, I’m saying Ethan, but this is, as I’ve talked to people as I’ve traveled this world since all this has happened, it’s the same damn shit in different countries, in different places, y’all.

It’s the same fucking thing. It is all over the goddamn world. It is everywhere. It is everywhere. It’s not just him. It’s so fucking common, you know? And every time I talk to a girl and they’re like, yeah, my man did this. I’m like, yeah, my ex did the same shit too. It’s like they just don’t grow up. It’s like they, like itty bitty children still just running around, you know?

You know, unfortunately they can fucking procreate and make more of their little asses. You know, I personally think they need to be locked up in mental hospitals, and I’m not for incarceration, but it doesn’t make any sense to me while you have people locked up for having, I don’t know, $50 worth of dope on them, and they just wanted to go home and get high.

And you got narcissistic people out here who can do, [00:44:00] like my ex did and literally go give someone when covid and then maybe kill them. Who knows? You know? And that shit is not illegal, but, but home, he can’t go buy $50 worth of crack or coke or whatever the fuck and go turn up, you know, with his girl or whatever.

At home. The United States is a fucked up country. Narcissists should not be running free, in my opinion out here, devastating people like they do to just go move on and do it again. The only good thing about it is that the Lord will use wicked people like that to do like what he’s done for me and sharpen and strengthen me because the Lord, the Bible describes wicked people as tools in the hands of God to sharpen the saints and to sharpen those of us who are like workers and who gives a fuck about the welfare of humanity.

Now that much I would have them stay free for so that the Lord can continue to use them to help people who are actually of God, even though they are not. And most of them never will be cause they don’t have the courage.[00:45:00]

And then the last one, you know how, how I’m yet again called by someone? You know, and I’m standing in front of that reception podium, and then it’s not like they’re not doing anything with me. You know? That’s still another a way of playing games, you know? And what I’m proud of and thankful for is that I wasn’t having this shit no more.

I’m like, you bitches called me up here. He said I wasn’t here on time. All right, then let’s do the damn thing. Mm-hmm. People in this world like to go and, and arrest control over people when they have no control over themselves. You’ve seen these insecure people be you in a doctor’s office at the grocery store.

You know that we, that one bitter bitch who ain’t got no control in her life, who just sitting there toying with you and just playing games because finally somebody has to listen to her. You know, that’s how narcissistic people are. So y’all. When y’all have these dreams and yes, this is my a beautiful dream journal.

Ain’t she cute [00:46:00] though? Mm-hmm. Honey. Yes. I saw this. I was like, this reminds me of the stars, darling. The stars. Yes. I must have it. So let’s go ahead and rewrite some stars, like from The Greatest Showman. Yes. Let’s, let’s, let’s, let’s live a new life. Let’s dream a new dream. Let’s do a new doom. So all of you have been impacted by whatever kind of hurtful relationship, whether it’s what’s a narcissistic asshole or some physically abusive person, or whatever the hell the case may be.

I, I pray you come out of it. I’m gonna be praying for you greatly. Reach out to me with your dreams and I’ll see what I can do to help you with them. But, but, but don’t stay in a relationship with a narcissist. They will not change. The only thing you can do is change your position if they ever are, or to have any sort of hope of redemption.

They’re not going to truly seek it. If they’re in a relationship with anyone, they would have to. You know, completely detached themselves from all people, [00:47:00] however long it takes for them to, I mean, not like their friends and stuff like that, but they cannot be, and then maybe depend on how bad the case is.

But they can’t be in any kind of situation where they’re gonna be tempted to take advantage of somebody, which is their natural nature. They’ve gotta get away from people and get in front of a counselor by themselves, because couples counseling is count, is contraindicated for a narcissist. I didn’t fucking know this until like a couple of weeks ago.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, do not go to couples counseling with him. I’m gonna repeat. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, do not go to couples counseling. Do not go. The shit will not work. I tried it twice, you know, over a span of. It’s about, we’re about like a year and a half in our relationship when we tried the first couple’s counselor, and the other one just ended last year when I realized he was lying to the damn I’m counselor.

All the [00:48:00] narcis are gonna do is manipulate the session and, and, and turn the counselor against you. That’s what they gonna try to do. Our counselor had to take a whole one hour session one time to prove to Ethan why she wasn’t working against him. Girl, bye bye. You know, no matter what the woman said or did, all he heard was you and Devana are against me because he wanted to go in there and put on a show, which is exactly what he did.

So all you’re doing is wasting your time and your money, and you’re giving that damn narcissist another audience to perform in front of. And remember, y’all are going to counseling for two damn different reasons. They are going to reinforce their agenda. You empathetic, nice person who needs to leave this narcissist are going for the same reason.

I went to be transparent, to tell the truth, to be upfront and honest, to work towards building a better relationship and to grow [00:49:00] personally and to have it all out there so you couldn’t forge for and. Doesn’t give a fuck about none of that. They go in there for themselves and, and then they’re also laboring under the damn delusion that just by going to sit in front of a counselor checks the box of, Hey, I went to a counselor.

Cuz Ethan would say that all the time. Like, look at these accomplishments. I’ve gone to the counselor, I’ve done this, I’ve done this. And I was like, yeah bitch. But if you go to the counselor and you all don’t know, lie. Well, then that doesn’t do anything. So you have to be, so, you have to be careful with these people because anything that they do, they gonna try to just wave it around as a trophy of metal, but they’re, there’s still quality to what they’ve done.

Basically, what Ethan was saying is, my gift to you is me sitting here in this office. Whether I sit here and contribute to the energy in the room, or actually tell the truth or not, because narcissists think a hell of a lot of themselves, and this is why they’re so twisted. They hate themselves. At the same time.

They think a [00:50:00] lot about themselves, yet they don’t fully accept themselves, and then they wanna go and be with somebody. And then a lot of times they wanna be with somebody who they know is better than them, but then they want to get, they don’t wanna give that person credit for being better than them.

Now, who could have said something like this? Jesus, when he said a double minded man is unstable in all his ways, you can’t be back and forth, in and out, left and right, up and down at the same time. It’s not gonna work. You know, so that is my message to y’all, to my message to narcissistic people. You can be helped, but you’re gonna have to humble yourself before almighty God.

And because you, because you, because you, you, you, you need a serious exorcism. If you have been consumed with the sort of devils that make you a narcissist, you have a, you have a, hold on, you. But it’s not like it can’t be broken because there’s nothing too hard for the Lord. But you gonna have to sacrifice the things that you like and you think you can’t go it without and show, and show that true sacrifice in order to get God to move on your behalf.[00:51:00]

Anyway, I’m about to go up in here and watch me some Star Wars. I’m gonna say a little prayer for y’all. May the fourth be with you. Happy revenge of the fifth tomorrow, and just remember that everything is gonna be all right.


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