Episode #68: Veteran Suicide, Marine Tea & Latchkey Kid Issues With Shawn Murphy, Host Of The Above The Bar Podcast



Shawn Murphy is the host of the Above The Bar podcast and a fellow military veteran. Join us as we discuss military issues, what it’s like being a latchkey kid, growing up with a drug dealing dad and my new psychedelic journey!!!


INCLUDED IN THIS EPISODE (But not limited to):


·      Military Matters – Burn Pits & Legislation

·      Cannabis In Massachusetts 

·      My New Drug Journey – #Psychedelics 

·      Why Trauma Is The Real Gateway Drug

·      Having A Drug Dealing Dad

·      Relationships/Divorce In The Military

·      Can We Be Addicted To Marriage?

·      Latchkey Kid Issues

·      Military Recruiter Tea

·      Gay Marine Stories!!!




LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/theabovethebarpodcast/

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3QCmg05

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theabovethebarpodcast/

Instagram: https://bit.ly/3LglTr1

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theabovethebarpodcast

Twitter: https://bit.ly/3qzq5ss

Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/theabovethebarpodcast

PodBean: https://theabovethebarpodcast.podbean.com





Website: https://www.SexDrugsAndJesus.com

Website: https://www.DownUnderApparel.com

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3daTqCM

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SexDrugsAndJesus/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexdrugsandjesuspodcast/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TabooTopix

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devannon

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.es/SexDrugsAndJesus/_saved/

Email: DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com





·      Pray Away Documentary (NETFLIX)


TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk_CqGVfxEs


·      OverviewBible (Jeffrey Kranz)




·      Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed (Documentary)



·      Leaving Hillsong Podcast With Tanya Levin




·      Upwork: https://www.upwork.com

·      FreeUp: https://freeup.net




·      Disabled American Veterans (DAV): https://www.dav.org

·      American Legion: https://www.legion.org

·      What The World Needs Now (Dionne Warwick): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfHAs9cdTqg





·      PodMatch is awesome! This application streamlines the process of finding guests for your show and also helps you find shows to be a guest on. The PodMatch Community is a part of this and that is where you can ask questions and get help from an entire network of people so that you save both money and time on your podcasting journey.







You’re listening to the sex drugs and Jesus podcast, where we discuss whatever the fuck we want to! And yes, we can put sex and drugs and Jesus all in the same bed and still be all right at the end of the day. My name is De’Vannon and I’ll be interviewing guests from every corner of this world as we dig into topics that are too risqué for the morning show, as we strive to help you understand what’s really going on in your life.

There is nothing off the table and we’ve got a lot to talk about. So let’s dive right into this episode.

De’Vannon: Shawn Murphy is the host of the above the bar podcast, and a fellow military veteran of mine. Join us today. As we discuss military issues, what it’s like being a latchkey kid, what it’s like growing up with a drug dealing data in my personal news psychedelic journey. Y’all they tuned listen close, and I hope you enjoy the fuck out of this episode.

God bless [00:01:00] you.

Hello everyone. And welcome to the sex drugs in Jesus podcast. Yes, he is up there. He is looking over me. He’s looking over Sean. He is looking over all of you. Beautiful fuckers. And yes, Jesus told me to call you all fuckers today because he is super open minded and super and super loving and words like that.

Simply don’t offend him. Sean, how are you? 

Shawn: Wonderful there. Good, sir. How are you? 

De’Vannon: Fan fucking y’all Sean Murphy is the AU shit. The author is the host. Oh, bring us that book. I’m ready to say author, man, bring that book. It’s 

Shawn: it’s in the works. It’s in the works. We gotta make it happen. He 

De’Vannon: is the host of the above the bar podcast where every week they belly up to the bar and talk about all kinds of shit.

And I was on his show. And now we’re doing the flip fuck thing that we often do [00:02:00] in the podcast industry. He did mean I’m gonna do him. You all this make me a bottom. 

Shawn: Does this make me a bottom, a 

De’Vannon: podcast bottom in this moment? Yes. And I prefer a nice dry fuck. I might spit on your whole little bit. Other than that I’ll LA natural brow baby.

Shawn: I’ll try, I guess, you know, as having my own show, I’ll try not to be too much of a power bottom. I guess. That’s what that would make me right. If I have my own show and I’m on the other side, does that, what that makes me. 

De’Vannon: Let’s abandon all these titles. Just do what the fuck says.

Shawn: oh brother. It is good to see you, man. You’re looking 

De’Vannon: good. You’re looking gorgeous. I got my beard growing out. Cause my stylist is gonna turn in a weird ass color. As I approach 40 years old in December. I want to be sure that I get weirder and weirder as I get older and older. And and so yeah, y’all Sean, you know, and I love your beer too.

We’re compliment complimenting each other’s you were before we got on the [00:03:00] broadcast, Sean is a military veteran. I’m a military veteran. And so show we’re gonna be talking about his podcast, his military experience, and is gonna get dark is gonna get dim, but I will end it with a Ray of hope and light for our veterans out there.

And so we need veterans, all of your motherfuckers out there. Couldn’t run around. Doing the bullshit. You like to do fucking your brains out, doing all your drugs, you know, making all the money, raising all the children and everything. And I love all of those things, but without a military in place, crazy as dictators would come over here and snatch your shit from you in a minute, you know?

And then the people who those crazy as dictators have sent into the country to spy and shed. And yeah, I mean, that’s just the way the world works. We have spies in other countries, no reason for us to think that they don’t have spies here. Right. But the military helps to keep all of that shit at ban from spiraling out of hand.

So as two veterans, [00:04:00] we above all people have the right to comment on veterans’ issues, more so than crazy as Republicans do. And anybody who dares to think that they’re speaking on behalf of us, because usually I don’t agree with what politicians say about veterans. And so, so we’re gonna talk a lot about veterans in this episode.

So I see the way you’re nodding and then light in your eyes. So tell me what Tim was on your mind. Just let those thoughts out. 

Shawn: No, it, well, you know, it’s funny when you bring that up, it, they suck on both sides of the fence. Yeah. They, they really do because you know, it’s funny growing up in the timeframe that I grew up in the military, not I joined in 94.

We were, it it’s so funny. We were always told you vote Republican, that they they’re gonna fund you. They’re gonna give you money. They’re gonna take care of you. Do you know who gave me my most pay raises in all my 20 years, who gave me the most pay raises 

De’Vannon: bill 

Shawn: Clinton, [00:05:00] bill Clinton in the Clinton administration.

They’re 50 50 in my book, cuz. Were the ones that realized a lot of guys were getting outta the service and taking better paying jobs than staying in because there was no money there in 94, I made less than a thousand dollars a month in the Marine Corps. Ooh. That was the DOD across the board. E one was less than a thousand dollars a month.

And you still had taxes taken out of that. Yeah. Look at that. That’s a sour face, like, and that’s the facts, but I will also say on the flip side, he also created the bra base relocation closure act that closed down all those bases and shut down small towns that lived and thrived off those bases that existed.

So I’m 50 50 on that guy, but it’s funny. They both suck, you know, look at what just happened with the burn pit bill, like, and for, for those that don’t know what the burn pit bill was, that’s burning medical waste plastics, and anything else you could imagine and [00:06:00] service members having to do it without proper ventilation without respirators and getting sick.

And these guys, the Republicans voted it down because they wanted to show the Democrats that they didn’t like some other bill. And they were like, ha, ha look what we’ll do. Like really like you did that. You bunch of SC holes. So that’s my feelings on all of them. 

De’Vannon: Right. And so, so Senate Manor, majority leader, Chuck Schumer pulled like a Ropa dope on the Republicans and was able to get like a lot of the reconciliation infrastructure, climate change stuff passed through.

And the Republicans felt tricked, you know, Biden and everything like that. I, I kind of felt tricked by it in a positive way because Democrats usually don’t act like they have nuts and so I was like, wait, you actually. Back at the Republicans [00:07:00] one. And so, but they were real, but hurt over that shit and yeah, they did oh yeah.

Cause it never happened. They’re like the, the Republicans are like the bully who was used to getting their way. They’re not used to anybody actually hitting them back. Or, and so the burn pit bill is something that Republicans kept pushing against why we don’t know, but you know, and they were all pissy about it, but you know, it finally passed and everything like that.

And so I, I just, since you mentioned bill, bill Clinton, BC, my homeboy, I Kansas bill. I love the fat art, Kansas bill. And there’s a whole, like, what is it? A bill Clinton museum and shit. When I was in little rock or something. Well, 

Shawn: that’s right. I forgot you did live in little rock. I, no, I didn’t live 

De’Vannon: there.

I just visited it, just friends. But there’s like a whole museum in his honor. They love them. Some bill Clinton, they don’t care how he got his Dick sucked and the Al office. And I, I commend him for playing the saxophone, smoking his weed. If he [00:08:00] did smoke weed, I just picture it with, he just didn’t hell he didn’t inhale getting his Dick sucked.

I don’t know what kind of marriage arrangement him and Hillary had. I commend her on keeping her shit classing and together, no matter what, I love me. Some bill Clinton, anybody who gonna get they knob swabbed in the oval office, which I would imagine every president has. Otherwise I fuck with you. 

Shawn: I mean, that’s one of those weird ones where everybody was up in arms about it, but were you up in arms about Kennedy?

Like, like let’s, let’s understand that the JFK. Was an old, was an old school pimp and he made that happen. Like let’s not get that twisted like that. Don’t he was there. I mean, so why do but he changed, you know, what, he changed an outlook of an entire generation towards those things. When he said I didn’t have relations with that, with that woman.

And everybody was like, see, do get in little head that [00:09:00] ain’t relations. That ain’t, that ain’t nothing that ain’t nothing. And it was like, yeah, go ahead and tell your old lady that see how that works out for you. 

De’Vannon: It wasn’t me. mm-hmm what the camera say. And like the song, it wasn’t me. Right? Shaggy. I think that was, he 

Shawn: was a Marine.

Did you know he was a Marine? Nah. Yep. Shaggy was a, an artillery was in second battalion. Oh God can’t think of what company, but he was, he was second battalion two 10. Two. Yeah. Second Italian 10th Marine regiment out of Jacksonville, North Carolina. He was an artillery Marine and I knew a guy.

One of those knew a guy who knew a guy’s situations, but knew somebody who knew him. And they said he used to go home every weekend to go do shows. Cuz that was, he wanted to have a music career, but he was an artillery Marine 

De’Vannon: that’s dedication there. Now he’s even that much more sex now that I know [00:10:00]he’s a Marine I love it brother.

So, so your show, the above the bar podcast. Why did you name the that? 

Shawn: Well, cuz all my equipment truly sits above my bar right now is you and I are talking all my equipment and is sitting above my bar. I have a bar in my home, but the other side to it is, is, is there’s. I like double and undress the O the other side to it is the term keeping things above the bar, keeping things, real, keeping things legit.

So I always enjoyed when I talked to people, hearing the real stories of their lives or their background, like you and I, when we talked, when you were on my show, you kept it real. There was, you know, there was real energy in that real advice, real things that had happened in your life. And you didn’t sugarcoat ’em, you didn’t weigh ’em down with, you know, blaming other people or blaming other.

You were real about all of it. And that’s what I love. So that’s why it’s the above the bar podcast. [00:11:00] All right. 

De’Vannon: Now, thank you for all those compliments and everything. I’m glad you appreciate the my direct tone. I’ll say it like that. And so How long have you been doing 

Shawn: it? So we, we started this in June of last year.

It was one of those situations where my, I had said many times I wanted to do it. I had been on some friends podcast that were very successful. We’re on a network called the earplug podcast network. That’s owned by a friend of mine, herb and been on his shows a bunch of times. And I kept saying I was gonna do it.

I was gonna do it. My wife finally said on father’s day, weekend of last year, she just turned around and she handed me all the equipment. And it was like, there you go. And it was actually might actually now think about it. It might have been father’s day 20, 20 God time has flown. Cause we just finished [00:12:00] episode 1 36 or 1 37.

Got another one tomorrow cuz today is Tuesday, right? Yeah. Today’s Tuesday. So we got another one coming up, so just. Once it got going, it just kind of, it’s had a life of its own. Hmm. 

De’Vannon: Well, I’m happy you found something that, that you love and oh my God, excuse me. I took my ass out in the backyard, my weed eater, call myself cutting fucking grass and shit like that because I just thought it was hideous. This is something I pay other people to do, particularly my parents this cause my, this is my parents doesn’t mean that I’m gonna like have them work for free, you know, I still pay them, but I shouldn’t do that.

Cuz I had really sensitive allergies and I went out there and did it. I didn’t put a mask on. So I’ve got the scratchy ass throat. It’s like a whole thing. It’s not the COVID I’ve never had COVID but I’ve been taking the test every day [00:13:00] just to be sure. And it’s still negative. So it was just allergy. So hopefully I don’t cough too fucking much.

So who do you think your target audience is? So 

Shawn: I actually, do you know, what do you know about creating your audience avatar? Have you ever heard that term? 

De’Vannon: I think I’ve heard the term, but just tell us, 

Shawn: so, so I have a real good, good friend of mine, Jessica Gruber, she builds podcast or builds websites.

And she has her own podcast also. And Jessica and I were talking and she said that to me, one day, she goes, who’s your avatar? And I’m like, I, what? Like I’m thinking video game avatar or something like that. So she explained it to me and said, sent me some stuff, basically. It’s. Kind of creating the image of what your target audience looks like and giving them a name that way when you’re marketing yourself, you can actually say, well, would Steve, or would Jane listen to this [00:14:00] or that?

So I’ve kind of figured it out that my target audience is probably late thirties at the youngest. I would say maybe mid up through unknown finished age, probably closer to mid forties. Not necessarily would they have a bachelor’s degree, but they’re educated in what they do. They’re professionals, they like food, they like drink and they, like, they probably will be caught watching the history channel or some, or like documentaries or things of that nature they like to learn.

Yeah, I would 

De’Vannon: imagine. And that’s a beautiful avatar. I would imagine most people who bother to click on a podcast. Are trying to be enlightened on some level, I suppose, even an entertainment podcast and stuff like that. Even if it’s finding out that, you know, ASRA Miller this Cod a felony for [00:15:00]being a little club to, you know, you know, you’re still being enlightened.

You’re learning something you didn’t know before. And I am not throwing shade at your Miller. They are very beautiful specimen of a human and baby. They can come and steal for me any day. I need, I need them to come steal my virginity all over again. That’s what all over . That’s what I need that beautiful, that beautiful thing to come and steal, baby.

You didn’t have to do all that. You could have come taken all that stress out right over here. so, and what do you, what are you drinking? Is that like a bourbon, a scar? Uh, So, 

Shawn: so I was drinking a little bit of so one of our former guests they have a. Distillery up here in the upstate New York area called new Scotland spirit.

So I’m having a little bit there straight rye whiskey which is actually, I learned this from the, these guys, rye is a New York grain. So I didn’t know that. So [00:16:00] all the times of hearing about rye whiskey, I learned from them. So they make what they call an empire rye. So it’s mostly New York rye grain, and it’s phenomenal.

I love it. 

De’Vannon: Hmm. Well drink up. So as you were going over some of your target, I mean, you know, your kind of the breakdown of your show, I had to say, I agree. I feel like the information that you cover is very practical. Like some of the titles I wrote a few down like what is networking, how to build a website, how to start a music label.

You know, it’s like, you’re trying to help people and to give them like steps and practical things that they can use. So I would not classify your podcast as an entertainment podcast. This is a very like lifestyle podcast. And it’s like, you’re trying to help people be better, like come up out of whatever their circumstance or situation is.

It’s like, you’re trying to help them get knowledge and information that they, that might be out of their grasp. Other one it’s. Thank you. And so now one is called cannabis. Oh, you’re welcome sugar. Now one is called [00:17:00] cannabis and Massachusetts that I wanted to stop and kind of like meditate on this one here for a moment.

These are some of my favorite titles after we get done with this Massachusetts meditation, I’m gonna ask you what your, what you feel like for you your most impactful episode was so you can just chew on that in the background. So this stood out to me because I’m on a new drug journey. And so when you did this episode on the cannabis of Massachusetts, tell me, what did you take from it?

Shawn: You, you know, cannabis in Massachusetts is interesting because when, when they created their, their laws, so we have in New York, we have two states next to us that both have legalized marijuana. New York state is decriminalized marijuana, but we don’t have any dispensaries other than for medical use.

But it’s interesting. And I’ll tell you why the two states were interesting why the Massachusetts one. So we have Vermont, which is the only state ever [00:18:00] to legalize it through. Their actual, like it wasn’t like the governor said, Hey, we’re gonna legalize it. They actually voted it. The people voted it and said, we’re gonna legalize it.

But you and I couldn’t go to Vermont and buy cannabis because in Vermont you have to be a Vermont resident with a Vermont driver’s license or photo ID to buy there. So they’re, they’re, they’re very cut off from it. But Massachusetts is interesting because what Massachusetts is completely legal, they are, were the first state on the east coast to go completely legal.

And you think about that. That’s the east coast, the whole east coast. They’re the first ones. And they tied their marijuana laws to mirror their open container laws for alcohol, which I thought was genius. From the standpoint of, you know, it’s not right to walk down the street with an open beer, you know, that I know that we were brought up that way.

You know, you could be that person, but you know that the cops will stop you for an open [00:19:00]container. You’ve heard that. Okay. So they said, we’re gonna do the same thing. If you’re smoking a joint, walking down the street, don’t walk down the street and smoke a joint. If you wanna sit on your front steps and smoke, go right ahead.

But what I really gained from that episode in particular was I didn’t realize how deep that, and it’s a culture. I didn’t realize how deep that culture was and really kind of focusing on that and, and listening to, to my guest and saying like, wow, you know, this really is, and we also came up with a dating show.

Did you, did you listen to that one, hear about our dating show that we came up with, 

De’Vannon: do tell, just acted like I’ve never heard anything before. Okay. 

Shawn: Cuz this one, this one was pretty funny. So we’re talking about it and everything. And we had come up with, you know, how you, you his name was Jarvis Jarvis and I were talking, he goes.

You know, you have like [00:20:00] what’s the, the rose ceremonies for the bachelorette and all that. And we decided that we could come up with one for cannabis. And instead of giving out roses, you give out buds and the competitions were gonna be like, rolling. How, you know, how good can your partner be? Like rolling?

Are they really a road dog for you? Can they hide your stash? If you needed them? Like we had the entire thing fleshed out and I thought, this is great. And hilarious to talk about. He messaged me the other day. He’s like, bro, we need to do this. I’m like what? He goes, no, no, I wanna do. I wanna come up with a show and he was dead serious.

Cuz from that culture standpoint for a cannabis culture, they’re not represented in those worlds. So it was a representation. I thought how great of an idea. And we. BS and on a podcast to come up with this. So that was, that was really kind of the, the nuts and bolts of that one. And it was just so much fun to talk to him about it.

De’Vannon: And when you’re [00:21:00] saying it’s the culture, are you saying the culture of the cannabis or the culture in Massachusetts and of 

Shawn: culture? Cannabis culture itself. So, so I never thought of it as a culture, you know, growing up, you know, it was, oh, this dude smokes weed, that dude smokes weed. But you never thought about it from a culture standpoint, but when you talk to somebody that’s really into it, or, or maybe from a medical standpoint, it’s changed their lives, got them off of opioids or, or heavy medications.

And you find out that truly it is a cultural thing.

De’Vannon: Okay. That reminds me of how before. Franklin D Roosevelt, I believe it was issued this whole war on drugs, nonsense, how, you know, people were doing a lot of psychedelics and everything, and it was really, you know, you might call ’em hippies of what the fuck ever, but, you know, it was people, [00:22:00] you know, bonding over, you know, a, an experience that everyone was having, but it was very much more like a cultural movement than everything like that.

Before everything got shut down. And so it sounds like that culture is coming back. Yeah. I mean, ever really went away, but it, you know, it’s coming really more back into the mainstream. And so, which I appreciate. And so this leads me to my. Hm, you know, divulge of more of this new journey that I’m on.

And so everyone knows my chaotic history being on and off drugs and stuff like that. Well, I watched two documentaries that sold me on psychedelics and I had never used psychedelics before I used to sell them, but I didn’t do ’em. Maybe I did ask it, but I never hallucinated or whatever. But so I watched, what do they called the history of mental illnesses on PBS.

Then the other one is called how to change your mind, which is [00:23:00] on Netflix. And so, and they both go over how psychedelics were used for health reasons and in clinics before, before the government made it all evil and the devil. And then in my opinion, the church echoed what the government was saying as they tend to do.

And how now it’s coming back, I’m particularly excited about these MDMA trials and how they’ve been used to treat veterans and stuff like that, you know, in the VA hospitals, in places and such. And so I’m actually going to go to Oregon. Next month to do an MDA trial thing. And also I’m going to do a psilocybin trial thing while I’m there really like a whole week, cuz everything’s legal there and the therapists, you have a lot of these psilocybin centers and, and shit like that.

And, and so, and I’m gonna video it of course. And and I hope that I have a total reaction. I did the IV ketamine thing, which is now legal in [00:24:00] all the states. I did not have a good experience with that because I don’t think she gave me enough ketamine. And so fuck her. I’m never going back to that clinic.

I’m gonna find me a clinic in a more progressive city where they won’t mine upping the dose. But but the ketamine thing I did was only like an hour. The MDMA thing is an eight hour day. The SIL side thing is a separate eight hour day . So it’s like a completely different. 

Shawn: Now, now when you’re saying you’re doing trials, does this mean that it’s under the supervision, medical supervision?

Is this pharmaceutical supervision? What do you mean by it’s a trial? 

De’Vannon: No, there would be a licensed clinical social worker with me. It’s not like a you know, like a, like an NIH, like a health Institute, sanction trial. Okay. My personal trial under the supervision of a medical person. So I’m not gonna go find homey with some MDMA and then be like, let me just and see what happens.

No, like I’m, [00:25:00] I’m gonna be coached through the experience and everything like that. And so I’m super looking forward to it because, you know, I’ve, I’ve read and heard where these veterans have had things that I struggle with, like PTSD and OCD, you know, addiction to like drugs and shit like that. And they’ve been able to find whatever level of relief.

And so. 

Shawn: Now is this gonna be like a microdosing thing? Like, I, I, I have a good buddy who, another vet who did the micro, whose brother is a psychologist, which one’s an MD psychologist or psychiatrist, which one’s the MD. No, I always get it backwards, whichever one’s the MD. And he did the microdosing and was in a real bad funk with depression and all that.

And he did microdosing and that was life changing for him. And, and he doesn’t do it anymore, but he really, it, it helped to break that depression, but it was all microdosing. It wasn’t anything [00:26:00]over the top, you know, he, wasn’t watching pink bears fighting purple alligators or nothing crazy like that.

But yeah, I mean, this is, I wanna hear about this. 

De’Vannon: I wanna see some goddamn pink bear fighting purple alligators. I guess, I guess what I wanna know is that I really, really had a true outof body experience. But if, for me, it doesn’t require me to see strange things for me to get the healing. Then I’ll take the healing, but you know, everyone I saw in these documentaries or going through these convulsions and crying and hollering, and it really worked for them.

It, it, you have the fit and then you calm ’em the fuck down. And then it’s like, you’re healed. So for me, it looks like the, the trauma that would in, went into the person is forced out through the MDM a or the LSD or the Mein or the psilocybin or whatever, because that’s the way it is. Trauma goes in. It comes out.

And when it does, you might holler and holler or whatever. And so I want to know I’ve been changed. I wanna know I’ve been touched. 

Shawn: Well, I was thinking [00:27:00] about you the other day. I have to tell you this. I was watching a video and, and it wasn’t one of those kind of videos. It was a different video. Mm-hmm and The gentleman said, you know, we all wanna say that marijuana is the gateway drug.

It’s not trauma is the gateway drug. If you really look at why people, you just said it yourself, you’ve had all these issues that fed, you know, your issues in the church and all these other situations for you that fed for your trauma and the drugs. Trauma is the gateway drug. And it, it was such a powerful statement to hear.

And I thought about you brother 

De’Vannon: Ja. So we’ll see how it goes. Thank you so much for thinking of me and I will be as transparent as I can legally be. With, with what I intend to do. And so we will go from there and I wanna do all the things now, you know, all the AKA and everything like that. And so, and let’s just [00:28:00] see.

So for you, out of all the episodes you’ve recorded, what, what do you think’s been the most impactful one to you? You know, one that when you turn the mic off, you just couldn’t stop thinking about it, whether you were disturbed, like in a good way or in a not so great way. 

Shawn: So it’s definitely difficult to say that, you know, pick your favorites, you know, it’s like they say, pick your favorite child.

So I, I, I don’t know that, but I will tell you a lot of my guests have become good acquaintances, people I talk to on a regular basis. People I communicate with on a regular basis, I will say though, that probably the one that as a parent. Shocked me the most and really was like, I, I don’t know how I would go with this is gentleman named Jeff OWK Jeff is from, and it’s funny enough, cuz he’s from about two hours, [00:29:00] three hours, south of me in New York.

He’s from the peak school area of New York. And if you’ve ever been to peak skill, it’s a fairly quiet area. Nothing really goes on there. Jeff, at age 16 was sent to adult prison for a rape and murder. He did not commit. And every, every story you’ve ever heard where you go, the police can’t do that. The police wouldn’t do that.

16 years old inter you know, interviewing him without a lawyer, without his parents being aware that he’s being taken away playing good cop, bad cop not feeding him. And just giving him at 16 coffee and cigarettes and zipping him up and telling him if he doesn’t talk, they’re gonna whoop his ass.

He’s gonna go to jail. His parents will be, you know, be charged because they’re, they’re hiding him, all [00:30:00] these things, his court appoint lawyer, because his family couldn’t afford. It never took the time to follow up on BS, evidence on things that just didn’t make sense all the way through. I mean, and there’s a documentary it’s called conviction.

It’s done by JIA works. And that’s how I met Jeff was I interviewed JIA on her. It’s J I a and then w E R T Z. She did this documentary on his life and it’s on prime, Amazon prime. And, and it’s worth watching. It’s called conviction, but just watching that and then talking to him and him and I have become good friends.

That made such an impact on me as a parent to think that, you know, he, and the reason they picked him out of it all was cuz he was a quiet kid. He was quiet. So today we would say, oh, that kid might have some me mental health issues, but he [00:31:00] did 16 years in jail finally was released when the person who actually committed the crime DNA evidence tied him to the crime and he goes, oh yeah, I did that.

Even though Jeff spent all those years in jail and the best part about it though is Jeff got out, Jeff is now got an Esquire after his name, cuz he is a lawyer. And he actually has his own foundation where he defends people that have been wrongly accused and fights for their freedom. So that was probably of, of everybody that I still talk.

You know, I talk about all of them. We could talk about the guy, what is aliens, Jesus and the afterlife have in common. That was the week prior to that. And that was one, one of that was some wild shit, but the one with Jeff DYS is probably one of the most impactful in my, in my life life. Like just thinking about things 

De’Vannon: well is you’re right.

And I’m taking [00:32:00] my notes and everything like that. Cuz I have to look up these documentaries and everything like that. That, that is very, very useful. Good Lord. Okay. So speaking of fuck, speaking of fucked up childhoods, we’re gonna shift gears from your show and talk more about you personally because the people would just fall in love with you, man.

And so, so you came from a single parent home cause your dad was arrested when you were young. Mm-hmm where were you born? Where did this happen? Tell us so, 

Shawn: so I’m. Was an only child. My mother raised me, really. My mother raised me from age 11 to 18 and my dad, my dad did a one year. I always tell people I’ve never had any problems admitting this.

My dad did a one year clip for possession of illegal firearm, cuz he didn’t have enough Coke on him at the time for them to put him in jail for that. And my dad dealt, but we, we came from a good life. You know, we had, we owned a liquor [00:33:00] store with a, with a dance club in it. We owned a bar. We were doing good.

And we went from that level to my mom, had to sell it all. We moved into a house that didn’t have a refer, didn’t have a stove in it. We had to wait till she could save up to buy a stove and we used to joke around and call my mom the microwave mama, cuz she could cook anything in a M. And we did. All right.

She had a microwave in electric skillet. My mother made it happen. It’s actually her birthday today. She turned 70 today. She’s a phenomenal woman and, and she made it happen. But you know, I, I was the original, I was like one of those true latchkey kids. You remember latchkey kids that term mm-hmm . So I was a latchkey kid, you know, I, my mom dropped me off at school and then she didn’t get home till sometime around five 30.

You know, I Def had to fend for myself, which I should have gotten [00:34:00] so much more trouble. I just didn’t get caught I just didn’t get caught. But yeah, you know, and on my 17th, 17th birthday, my mother knew that I needed more male influences, you know, positive male influences. So 17th birthday, she actually took me to the recruiter’s office July 20th, 1993.

I had already taken the Ava, went to the recruiter’s office, signed up July 21st. I swore in July 6th of 94, I was standing on yellow footprints and headed all, headed down to Paris Allen, standing on the yellow footprints, and then did that for 20 years. But, but you know, I was I was a wayward soul as a kid.

I, but I had uncles that, that stepped in and tried to fill that father role. But my uncle who did most of it, he was only eight years older than me. So think about that. He was eight years older than me trying to tell me stuff. So the, the conversations were, [00:35:00] I would almost say they, they had more value cuz they were more relevant, but sometimes I had a, he was closer to a brother than anything.

De’Vannon: Okay. And that’s your biological dad? So 

Shawn: my biological dad he popped back. He was back in my life. I guess he was back in my life when I was about 16 and try, you know, he tried, but it wasn’t until after I graduated from boot camp that he really, you know, we were back on seeing eye to eye, cuz we didn’t see eye to eye before then, you know, eye was that kid, you know, you, you treated my mom bad.

You, this, you that. And it, it was tough on me. So it, but it was wasn’t till I graduated from boot camp that we kind of were like, I’m a man, you’ll talk to me like one. And we treated each other in a different way. [00:36:00]

De’Vannon: Well, that’s good. I’m here for some reconciliation. So y’all when he says like, as valve that stands for arm services, vocational aptitude battery test, you gotta take.

Before you can scoot off to the military latchkey kid is just like a kid is at home without adult supervision. Just kinda like a key you know? So, so you said you knew your dad was, was dealing this cocaine. Oh yeah. So how old were you when you first became aware that he was dealing the 

Shawn: drugs? I guess I was probably, well, I guess it was probably right around when my parents divorced at age 11.

And even that, like, I still remember that I was asleep in bed, woke up to my mother, waking me up, going, I’m putting your father’s stuff in trash bags and putting it outside. And I went okay. And went right back to sleep. It had 0.0 impact on me at that point. That’s what you’re doing. Okay. Fine. I don’t give a shit.

He ain’t around anyway. [00:37:00] He ain’t, he ain’t here. And but I was probably about that age, but even before then, like, My dad smoked weed, always did. And, and I knew, like I knew how to put it. I knew what it was, but I didn’t know what it was, if that makes sense to say it in that way with different inflection.

Like I knew dad’s got a stash underneath this couch, it’s in this bag. I don’t touch it because it’s dads didn’t know what it did. Didn’t know what it meant, but I just knew I didn’t touch it. 

De’Vannon: Okay. I can understand that. I remember watching like an older sibling of mine like I think vomit up cocaine, you know, when I was like, you know, super young and I didn’t really know what it was.

Maybe I kind of knew it. It’s kinda like, it’s kind of like a, a foreboding sense of knowing I get that. Mm-hmm so let me be clear. So you had like a biological dad and a stepdad, or are we talking about this person? No, no. So 

Shawn: I had, I had my [00:38:00] biological father and then I had an uncle who was eight years older than me who really.

Was the major male role model and help helped get me through high school and everything. 

De’Vannon: Okay. Okay. So now you also told me before that you personally were divorced twice and you were married three times. So do you feel like watching what happened with your parents attributed to your situation? Or was it cuz you were in the military or what do you think?

Shawn: You know, I, I would say the, the first one was very military. You know, it was that it, and they don’t, this is probably one of those things. I think we don’t do enough. Good jobs with in the services is dealing with separation anxiety. You know, I was a 17 year old kid when I went to boot camp, turned to 18 in boot camp.

Here I am. I’m gonna show up in Jacksonville, North Carolina, I got bills to [00:39:00] pay. I’ve gotta get myself going. I’m I’m on my own. And the only people that tell me, they love me or care for me are back home. So, but I can’t be there every day. So why, if I can get one of those people to come with me and tell me that they love me again, why wouldn’t I do it?

So that was my first marriage. Good woman have no, no ill things. We’ve talked years later, we talked afterwards, cuz we were probably married for months. Like we’re legally married for a year, but we were only together for a few months after we, we got married and we were high school sweethearts, but I have, we’ve talked years later and you know, looking back, she was like, oh, I’m sorry, this, that, and the other I’m like, it’s fine.

I understand. We were kids. I was like, she was 18 and I was 20, you know, we were kids. Like I turned 20 just after we got married and we were kids. [00:40:00] Which shouldn’t have ever happened, but it was separation anxiety that caused that. The second one, it was military related stress. I promise you it was a, it takes a special person to be a military spouse.

It truly does. You have to be a kind of person who can operate on their own with minimal interaction from the other person and be willing when that other person shows up to allow them to assert whatever force they have in it. But at the same time that service member has to be understand that you’re not around all the time.

So the rules have already been set. You have to find out what those rules are and let whoever’s been leading that charge, tell you what the rules are and it’s tough. So I went, I was on recruiting duty at the time. I was probably working 70 plus hours a week, not home getting up at crack of Dawn driving at this time.

It was I was. Driving from [00:41:00] Redding, Pennsylvania to ha or horse from Pennsylvania about an hour, hour and a half each way. Every day, because the housing crash happened. We were at one, one, I was in charge of one location. They switched locations. And it was really just that stress finally broke our marriage.


De’Vannon: it’s hard to be in a relationship period where you’ve got two different people who exist in two different worlds. And you’re trying to figure out a way to make those collide without destroying each other one another. And so a military relationship, like what saying the chaotic nature of it is something I witnessed when I was an air force recruiter because some of the wives are the, you know, would be military wives.

You know, they really couldn’t handle it. Like they didn’t. You know, he’s gonna go to the military, but why should I [00:42:00] leave my mom and my sister, you know, is something the girl might think. And so I really feel like they should do like the military do like coaching and transition training and things like that for the spouses and stuff like that.

I’m not overly fond of necessarily the way the military gets people ready to either enlist or to come out of the service. And so I feel like there’s more that can be done both going in and coming out, but a lot, lot of, a lot, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of the women really had to come home. And I, and I see women because I really wasn’t around a lot of females, you know, was only around guys and they had wives because unfortunately I was entering don’t don’t tell.

And so, oh my gosh. I can only imagine the gay parties they’re having in the fucking military now without me. shit. so, so, so wait, so you, you, you mentioned Before that you were always trying to [00:43:00] get married mm-hmm . And that, that sort of statement reminds me of Ernest Hemingway you know, very popular author and everything like that.

And I watched documentaries on Ernest Hemingway and you know, he was an alcoholic and some might say a narcissist and a few other things, but there was a thing with him, with Mr. Hemingway, where he was always, always married, you know, he would like meet a woman and be like, I want you to be my wife, you know, while he still had another wife, you know, and then he, you know, she would be getting along, you know, he would, he’d be scooting her along sooner or later.

But, you know, when I read that from my notes about you, that you were always trying to get married, it reminded me of Ernest Hemingway. Now you have an Ernest Hemingway is type beard going on right now. And so talk to me about this needed to be married. 

Shawn: You know, I, I think it, it was that It goes back to that [00:44:00] separation, anxiety being alone.

Like I said, I mean, if I look at my, my life, like I said, latchkey kid, I was always by myself unless I went to a friend’s house, get into the service. I separate myself from anything that I can consider as a connection and I have to build my own. So why not bring that connection with me? It, it took a lot of years before I could be on my own.

And I think I, I attributed for a long time being married with being with someone, if that makes sense, like having someone else in my life, that’s how you fill that space, whether it was good or bad. That’s how you did it. Are you still 

De’Vannon: married? I

Shawn: am. I’m now I’ve been married to my wife now for five years.

Very happy, much more mature relationship too, though. You know, I was much older. When I [00:45:00] got married, we both had careers. We both had lives. We both know how to, we, we can, at this point in my life, I can function differently. I don’t need, I love spending time with my wife and doing things with my wife.

I enjoy that, but we don’t have to be up each other’s as to, to feel that. And, and to, to have that trust factor, 

De’Vannon: right. I say, wait till you’re at least 30, you know, all in my twenties, I used to think I knew who I was and I was an adult. It wasn’t until I was like in my lower thirties that I really think I solidified who I was so slow down when y’all, there’s no need to get married, do all the traveling, do all your experimentations, whatever, and then save all this getting kids and all that for later to darling, there’s no need to rush.

Shawn: And if you can avoid kids, just avoid it completely. I have so much more money. I love my children, but God, I always think about, that’s see, this is something that once you have children, you [00:46:00] think about all the time. Like, God, I love my kids, but man, if I didn’t have y’all, do you know how much money I would have?

De’Vannon: I’d be paid. 

Shawn: I think a little S 

De’Vannon: I’d say I say that about my cats, but you know, they’re probably only $30 a 

Shawn: month. Yeah, no, your cats are good. Like between a bag of food. And if you have like healthcare for them, you know, the cats are good here. There there’s no problem with them. I’ve got two and I love my cats.

So you 

De’Vannon: mentioned like yellow footprints. A couple times when you, what, what is that like when you talk about chipping off to the Marine, what is that? 

Shawn: So that’s the, a very iconic Marine Corps thing. So if you look up yellow footprints, when you step off the bus at Paris island, or if you’re from the left coast in San Diego, there are painted on the ground yellow footprints because that’s where you have to stand.

And they’re painted at a 45 degree angle because that’s where your feet need to go. So that to start teaching you the position of attention right away. So that’s, [00:47:00] so you’ll hear Marines, talk about, you know, landing on the yellow footprints or standing on the yellow footprints. 

De’Vannon: Paris island is the Marine Corps bootcamp.

Right? We 

Shawn: have two. We have. So if you’re east of the Mississippi, you go to Paris island. If you’re west of the Mississippi, you go to San 

De’Vannon: Diego. Mm. I would’ve gone to Sango. Sango does Mississippi river runs right through Baton Rouge where I’m at on the west. Atton Rouge, 

Shawn: Baton and love Louisiana. I have to tell you that I love Louisiana.

I’ve only been once and I would, I’ve been once and I would pack my shit up and move. Okay, 

De’Vannon: well, you can come here and then I’ll go to Los Angeles. 

Shawn: Well, I’m in, well, I’m in all small Albany, New York. So you, you have to come to small Albany if we’re gonna swap. 

De’Vannon: Oh, didn’t you mention New York. There is a, a people of color psychedelics collective.

That’s a lady heads out of New York who I hope to have on my show. What it’s like a whole nonprofit. And it’s all about like the benefits of psychedelics and shit. [00:48:00] It’s like the people of color psychedelic collective. It’s like a thing. People 

Shawn: of color psychedelic, collective , 

De’Vannon: Yas . And so 

Shawn: P O S C C 

De’Vannon: Paska, something like that.

But if I can get ahold of her and set it up, I will be flying my black queer ass to New York so I can get high on whatever the shit, whatever. Fuck I can give my hands on. If, 

Shawn: if you can get her on your show, I expect that you introduce me to her so I can have her on my show cuz I would love, see, that’s see that’s my show in a nutshell, somebody being like, I got this person, this is what they do.

And, and I always tell people, my show should feel like you walked into a bar and you’re overhearing somebody else’s conversation. And, and if you’re the guest that should feel like you walked in the bar and the bartender goes, Hey, you do that drugs in Jesus thing, right? yes, I have a podcast. And that’s what it should feel like ad hearing that, oh God, I [00:49:00] would love to talk to her.

What’s her name there is she now 

De’Vannon: I’ve made a note. We’ll talk about it. call. What is she call her now? 

Shawn: oh, 

De’Vannon: so great. So, so you were in the Marines and I have to say Marines are very sexy. Love the outfits and the uniforms. Was there any sort of scandalous, was there any kind of gay sex that you saw in bootcamp in training?

I wanna know some tea, some dirt, some Marine, so 

Shawn: drama. So nothing that I ever ran into personally, like nobody that ever directly came on me. I’m not, I guess I wasn’t that cute. I was, I was five, seven, a hundred twenty seven pounds when I got in. So it had to been into it to, into twinks or something like that to have looked at me that way.

But but there was always stories. So for example, I remember in my first command, there was a Marine. I actually remember his name, but I won’t say his name who. Ran down to the duty office, which was in the duty office is a Marine who’s [00:50:00] in charge of the barracks for that day, making sure that nothing bad happens, reports on it.

He ran down to the duty office, but booty naked because his roommate who was a big dude, and this guy was like 5, 1 52. And his roommate was a big dude, was standing at his door when he came out of the shower and basically tried to have his way with him, snatched his towel off of him and everything. And the only reason I remember this is because as I was checking in to our command that day, he was in handcuffs, leaving 

De’Vannon: who, the skinny guy or 

Shawn: the big guy, the big guy, the, he was in handcuffs leaving.

So, so there was that, but probably the next big, I, next time I heard anything was Let’s see what year would’ve been like 99, 2000 timeframe. It was right around in North Carolina. We had two hurricanes, hurricane Bertha and hurricane Fran. They were back [00:51:00] to back and they did a lot of damage. And so some of us got, you know, this was the only time I ever heard where they were like, go home, stay away from the area.

Come back when it’s clear. So I had come back and joking around. We had put a sign on one of my buddies trucks that just said he, he didn’t know it. They had ziptied this big cardboard sign that said I’m gay. Everybody thought it was funny. He hadn’t seen the sign. Ha ha ha. No big deal. All sudden our mass Sergeant comes out and flips on all of us.

Get that shit off his truck. You don’t know what’s going on around here, blah, blah, blah. And we’re all like, whoa, mess starting. Why, why are you flipping out on us? So we take it off. We’ll come to find out one of the Marines who hadn’t come back yet. Had just shown up. To our CO’s office walked into the CO’s office with a local lawyer and went, we would like him discharged outta the Marine court right now.

He’s gay and he’s concerned [00:52:00] that if it other people within this command find out that he’s gonna be physically assaulted and they had him out of the service in a day, at a day, he was gone. So those were two incidences, but I will tell you knowing Marines the way I do, I come from a pretty open household, grew up with an aunt who was gay, never thought nothing of it knew new people who were gay, growing up.

Never thought anything of it. It was always just kind of like O okay, do you boo? I don’t care. But when I found. Somebody didn’t tell me they were gay. And it was somebody I was very close to was another Marine. And I found out after they had gotten out and they told me that I was kind of like, damn bro, why didn’t you, why didn’t you confront talk to me about this before you’d have been good.

And it was because [00:53:00] I acted like a Marine and, and I, and I say that in quotes, that he was concerned that I would, I would see him in a different light. And that really hurt because I was just being a Marine and that rah yet, you know, loud, you know, over, over the top male kind of persona. And that was one of those things that really hurt me.

Cause I was like, damn bro. I thought we were good like that. And, and they were like, yeah, man, I couldn’t tell you. And I was concerned that you would feel a certain way about me and I didn’t want you to know. And I was. I actually yelled at him and was like, Hey motherfucker, why didn’t you tell me? And then he told me that and I was like, and that actually hurt my feelings.

Cause I was like, man, did I, did I make somebody feel that way than I shouldn’t have 

De’Vannon: it? Wasn’t you? It was the environment of the military. You know, he didn’t wanna lose his livelihood and he didn’t tell you or anyone else, unless it was someone else who was not, who was [00:54:00] clearly queer, but you know, which you don’t present that way.

And so ain’t nobody gonna risk their, you know, their income and everything because they wanna have a, an open conversation with somebody because you never know how those things are gonna go. So I wouldn’t take it personally. He was just trying to survive. Well, 

Shawn: years later, I, I we’ve talked about it more.

He’s my closest friend, my best friend, but, but it really was, it was kind of one of those things where I was like, damn bro. Initially it really caught me off guard. Mm-hmm 

De’Vannon: so as a Marine recruiter, did they tell you to lie? 

Shawn: No. Nope. And that was always one of those things. Like, I, I always will tell people this, I never lied about it.

That was actually the big difference between the Marine Corps from a recruiting standpoint and maybe other services. I don’t know, only because we wanted to tell you how bad it sucked. We wanted to tell you how hard it was. We wanted you to know that this was gonna be the like boot camp was gonna be hard.

It was gonna be [00:55:00] miserable. It was gonna suck. You’re gonna sweat. You’re gonna question the fact that you even met me and ever did this. We wanted you to feel like that because that was part of the sell because people wanted people wanna be like, fuck that I could do that shit. You ain’t gonna scare me off.

I’ll make that shit happen. It was part of the sell. 

De’Vannon: That’s some good reverse psychology right there and playing on the male ego. See when I was an air force recruiter. They would try to get me to lie to the recruits about like their career. So like if I had a recruit who wanted to be a weatherman or work in avionics, I would work to get him that job, what the higher ups in the air force would do.

And in, in, as soon as I asked you that this, this question, I realized that this, the response would probably vary on who your supervisor was at exactly where you were recruiting at. So so they would do some shit in the air force, [00:56:00] like book the guy in like a security forces, this job to be a police or whatever.

And then they’ll be like, we’re just gonna go ahead and assign him this job. We’ve disregarded what he wants to do. And we want you to bring him into the office and act like, you know, this is the best job ever sell him on this job, you know? That’s the sort of shit that they would try to get me to do in the air force.

So that what you’re talking about is just a little bit of free decor. 

Shawn: Yeah. Like we were, so that was our move. Like I kid you not there’s, this is a real thing. You would walk in front of a crowd of kids and you would look around and be like, I don’t think most of you could do be in the Marine Corps. Here’s a little bit about it.

If you, the one or, and, and this would be a move, you’d go. The one or two of you that I see in the room and you would look, you would never actually make eye contact with anyone. You would do this be like the one or two of you that are in here that probably could do it. You can come meet me in the back of the room when this is all [00:57:00] over with.

And you would get like five or six of ’em, cuz these idiots would be like, I’m, he’s talking to me. I know I’m I could do it and you’d stand there. And it, you never looked at anybody, but it was just let me see if I can hype you up enough. And it was a thing. You know, I used to tell kids all the time, you’re gonna hate the day you met me within the, the first couple hours that you’re at Paris island.

You’re gonna hate the day you met me. And they’d be like, what? I’m like. Yeah, that shit sucks. 

De’Vannon: Okay. Bootcamp is a motherfucker. Oh hot, 

Shawn: hot, like you. I went to bootcamp in July, South Carolina in July. I here’s how hot it was. You wanna know how hot it was? 

De’Vannon: I was in San Antonio in July and August for mine.

And so we were clearly in the 100, 1520 degrees. It was 

Shawn: so hot in South Carolina in July of 94, they used to have a pool outside that [00:58:00] we did our swim calls in. It was an outside swim call. It was so hot. The pool water felt like bath water, and it wasn’t heated. That’s how hot it was. Think about that.

Getting in a pool and being like, I’m gonna get in this pool and cool down. This shit feels like bathwater.

De’Vannon: Well, I’m glad you didn’t melt. 

Shawn: Nope. Nope. No, all this sweetness made it through. So do you feel like movies, 

De’Vannon: like I think like Jarhead a full metal jacket do the Marine, I think that those were like Marine specific mm-hmm if I’m not mistaken, do you feel like they do the Marines? You know, is that really how it is or there’s really soap party there.

Y’all beating people up at night, you know, you know, 

Shawn: I know what you’re asking, so, so I’ll put it like, yes, I think full metal jacket. There’s a lot of [00:59:00] legit because of the fact that AR EY who plays the drill instructor was a Marine drill instructor. And I think a lot of it from that era is legit fast forward today.

No, nobody’s pulling out bars of soap and beating some eye’s ass or something like that. Jarhead I think is one of the worst movies ever made bar none. By far the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever watched it should be burned and never played again anywhere. It’s so bad. The fact that Jamie Fox plays a staff, Sergeant that an E two private first class runs his mouth to him.

Like he’s a punk at one point in that movie, that’s not happening. That’s that’s not happening. And they talk about if you watch that movie, when the main character, the, of the movie ends and he goes to his buddy’s funeral, he’s [01:00:00] still in E two. After four years, you will get promoted three months outta bootcamp to E two, six months after that to E three, if you haven’t, if you’re not again, At least picked up E three and got out.

You’re a turd, you’re a turd of a Marine and you’re getting in trouble on a regular basis. And really, I got nothing for you. So I can’t stand the, can you tell, I don’t like that movie. 

De’Vannon: a scathing review. Y’all yeah. 

Shawn: I, I just, I think it’s a garbage and a friend of mine read the book another Marine and said the book was really good and he’s like, man, don’t don’t judge the movie.

Don’t judge the book by the movie. He’s like, the book is really good. He really gets into some details of things. I I’ll tell you one that I really talk about eye opening things, not to, to switch sides here. There’s a book called shadow of the sword that I really wish they would make into a movie. [01:01:00]It’s about a Marine who is a, I can’t remember if he’s a bronze star with a, with a V, which is a pretty high commendation for valor, or he was a Flying across, which is one step below the medal of honor winner.

But ver awarded for valor honor went to, went to become a drill instructor and suffered such PTSD that it broke him. But to I have his book, but to read his story, shadow the sword and to hear like I wasn’t trying to be a hero. My body took over and just did things because my friends were there and I needed to survive that they needed to survive that.

And just the way he explains it in his, the aftermath of, of dealing with things afterwards and, and going through the PTSD like this dude talks about in the book, his [01:02:00] NAB, he was at his in-law’s house and the neighbor’s dog wouldn’t stop barking at him. So he jumped over the fence and started choking the dog to death, like bare hand, choking the dog to death.

That’s a P you know, people be like, oh, you’re an asshole. Or you’re psycho. No, that’s a PTSD reaction. And if they want, if Hollywood, Hollywood, if you’re listening, go get the book shadow of a shadow of the sword and go make that into a movie. Go treat that the way it should be and treat the service members the way we should be treated.

We lose 22 vets a day to suicide a day. So about my shows, I interviewed a gentleman who had his own organization called 22, 22 a day. Vet lives matter. He committed suicide and he had an organization. He had people around him. He. 

De’Vannon: Well, since you mentioned suicide, I had put a note here and I’m so glad to see they were on the same page with, I wanted to talk about veteran suicide.[01:03:00]

And I pulled up some statistics from back in 2020, and it said that the army had the highest rate of suicide in 2020, at 36.4 death per 100,000 soldiers. So basically this is 580 total service members who died in 20, 20, 30% were active duty, the Marine Corps at the second highest suicide rate, 33.9 death per 100,000 Marines 

Shawn: that I’m not surprised by those numbers.

I mean, ho ho every day, you know, it’s most of us go to work just to get the job done. You would agree with that. You know, the average civilian goes to work just to get the job done. Well. Yeah, they do, but. How about you go to work and every day get told you need to do it better than you did the day prior.

You need to, you need to hold yourself at that next step level. There is no doing it easier. And if you try to take the easy way, [01:04:00] you’re a skater, you’re a slouch, you’re a turd, you’re everything under the sun. So you must perform at that next step. Do that every day and then come out and be around people who don’t understand that mindset, do that every day and for four years, and then come out to a place where you’re like, you’re right.

This fucking has how work. This is how I do things and then turn around and see everybody else not performing at that level. Tell me what that does to your mindset. 

De’Vannon: For me, it made me narcissistic and arrogant because, because the military told me that, you know, I’m Superman, I’m better than everyone else.

This alludes to what I was saying earlier about better training people to exit the military, you know, in bootcamp and throughout military, they prime us to be on this pedestal and they, we can’t, you can’t function that way in society and PTSD is real. I struggle with it. It’s one thing for me to [01:05:00]have a one hour conversation with you, but for me to try to immerse myself in a day to day work environment with people is impossible because I’m constantly judging them.

It’s the military’s voice in my head judging them. It’s not really the say for instance, the end of the world in the military. They’re always saying if you’re 15 minutes, late, 15 minutes, if you’re 15 minutes early for an appointment, then you’re on time. 14 minutes. You’re late, early, you’re late in the civilian world.

It’s actually not a catastrophe if you’re running a few minutes late, but goddamn in the military. So, so with people, I have to stop myself. If they’re like a minute or five behind from looking at them, like they’re the goddamn devil , you know, to this day. And I’ve been out of the military for almost fucked, you know, going on 20 years, you know, to this day, I’m all like, it’s okay if they’re two or three minutes late the van.

And I have to like talk myself down from wanting to burn them with kerosene and brimstone when they show [01:06:00] up, you know? But we, we judge people irrationally. We judge ourselves, whatever we do, isn’t good enough. We beat ourselves up because the military told us whatever we did is never enough. 99.9% on a test is, is terrible.

It should have been 100. You know, I have 

Shawn: to get that one wrong. you 

De’Vannon: know, how dare you get that one wrong? Well, I mean, 

Shawn: you, you bring that up. You, you talk about the test that was, you know, you go through your entire life in school. Hey, I got a 60, I passed it still. That’s a D get into the military, 80 to 85 is passing.

If you get anything below an 80 or an 85, depending upon what, what courses you’re taking, you failed. So, I mean, right there, you you’re, you’re on a different level right away. 

De’Vannon: And so, you know, learning how to deal with society even all these years later is just like, it’s still a thing. And so that’s why I’m all for all of these psychedelics, whatever [01:07:00] can help me deal with the O C D and the PT, PT, S D I think every veteran should have a license to do whatever fucking drugs we want and just be done with it.

And so. You were I just, so we’re just gonna talk about one more thing and then I just have positive advice for the veterans. And so you were in during nine 11 as much as I hate how divided and how utterly this country is. I hate our history built on the, on the backs of murdering indigenous people and forcing black people to come here.

We want to, and all kinds of crazy shit in our history. I bitch is here now. And so it is what it is. I didn’t serve my country in the attack that happened to us on nine 11, you know, affected me and it affected us all. I was asleep in my dorm room, you know, you know, when the shit went down, you know, and then the, you know, the, the people came in from the squadron, like it’s time to get up and go and move the cars.

And every got damn thing. And I heard the [01:08:00] DEFCON Delta threat con Delta going on thinking it was a drill and it wasn’t a drill this time. It was real. So I’m just wondering if you remember where you were on that day. When the planes hit the 

Shawn: towers a hundred percent. So I was actually on recruiting duty in half hour horse from Pennsylvania.

And we were at doing our morning meeting. It was me. I don’t remember the gunnys name and one of my best friends, not the other one. We were talking about Sean Tate and we were doing our morning meeting and the air force recruiter. Sergeant Johnson pops his head on and goes, plane, just hit the world trade center.

Oh man. That’s crazy. So we walk out into the lobby or into our, the other office where there was a TV turning TV on we’re watching while we’re watching, we watch the second one hit. We all go something ain’t right here. We’re under attack. So about that time [01:09:00] phones start ringing. We head back up to my office, which was about a 20, 25 minute drive from there while we’re in the car, we’re listening to NPR, the guy we’re listening to, he’s telling my, well, this could be this, this is going on.

And then I hear the guy on the radio go, oh my God, I just watched a plane, hit the Pentagon, the guy I’m listening to was watching what was going on and watched the plane hit. So we’re like, okay, this is real. And probably it’s all about impactful things. Our CEO at the time think he’s a full bird.

Currently. He might even be a general by now. His name was Donovan. And pure Irish Catholic as they come, he might have had 400 children contraception. What are you talking about? Kind of guy that would, but he was a true recon Marine. Like he had like rebreather, all that stuff, the kind of guy that would have a stressful day and pull over on the side of the Pennsylvania turnpike and see a trail and just go run on it in the middle of the [01:10:00] highway.

Just go run that trail and come back. What’s a rebreather. So a rebreather is something that recon uses. You ever seen those movies where there’s scuba diving and no bubbles come up. Okay. So that’s a rebreather. So when they exhale, the bubbles don’t come out. It goes back in and gets recycled. The air gets recycled.

So that’s a rebreather. So he was like, he was on that level and talk about impactful things. He said for all my Marines, if you have families and you need to go be with them, go be with your families right now. If you are single. Unless you truly need to go home. I would like you to stay in your offices, answer your phones and let this country know that their Marines have not left them.

Our office in Landsdale, Pennsylvania was the only office on nine 11 that still had recruiters in it, all the other services left and went home. We sat in the office. Now I did have my 45 on me, but we sat in the [01:11:00] office

De’Vannon: well, and everyone else out there listening, like I wonder where you were when nine 11 happened, you know, you remember? So I just send a lot of love right now out to the souls of the people that we lost on that day to the veterans who were still being impacted by it, to the people, to the family members of those who died and all of our emergency responders and the people in the media who covered it as well.

And so. Thank you for sharing everything you’ve had to say today, Mr. Murphy, what I wanted to tell the veterans is that, you know, beginning in 2023, the VA is starting a new life insurance program, VA life. So you might wanna look into that good life insurance policy people, please stop dying with no life insurance.

I am so sick of this happening, you know, in and around me. Cause when you die and you ain’t got no savings and you got no life insurance, it’s a whole hot damn mess. And maybe you’re sitting there. [01:12:00] I mean, I just don’t know, this gets the damn life insurance. If you don’t have it, it’s coming out in 2023.

They’re not paying me to say this shit. I’ve just been, I’m just tired of the people dying when the life insurance drama and I’m just tired of seeing it. And so, and don’t forget if you’re a service connected veteran, you can get your you can apply for the dental insurance. I do that. It’s great. I go to a civilian dentist, but it’s like a VA dental shit somehow.


Shawn: They reimburse it somehow. 

De’Vannon: And it is through Delta dental. The one I chose, I pay them like $18 a month and I go get my cleanings two, three times a year or whatever. And so, and then the last thing, if you got thrown out of the service for being queer, dear, you can now get your discharge upgraded.

You just need to reach out to the disabled American veterans, the DAV, the American Legion, or somebody like that to fight on your behalf. But that it’s a total wave that’s happening right now. You don’t have to have that bad [01:13:00] conduct. Discharge will, however the fuck it was characterized anymore. Get your discharge up greatest and get your benefits.

Boom. And with that, Sean, you can have a last word and I’m gonna go stick a Dick in my mouth or something so I can shut up. 

Shawn: You’re doing the last word to me. What we’re gonna do is good. We have to go with the last word, which is the sign off for the above the bar podcast. Be sure to push your stool in

De’Vannon: and that’s enough for me. Thank you for coming on.

Thank you all so much for taking time to listen to the sex drugs in Jesus podcast. It really means everything to me. Look, if you love the show, you can find more information and resources at SexDrugsAndJesus.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. Feel free to reach out to me directly at DeVannon@SexDrugsAndJesus.com and on Twitter and Facebook as well.

My name is [01:14:00] De’Vannon and it’s been wonderful being your host today and just remember that everything is gonna be right.


Leave a Comment

Scroll to Top
Scroll to Top